TV Eye: Weighty issues

Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. Thankfully, being pulled back into the new series of The Sopranos (last night, TV2) was as funny and appalling as when this most thrilling mobbed-up drama debuted way back in 1999.

To make sure we knew we were in for a rough ride, the makers had William Burroughs voice-over the opening scenes, during which a Fed agent vomited out of his car, diet-slave Vito Spatafore has become a devotee of the Thin Club, and Carmela dreamed she was standing in the shell of her unfinished spec house, talking to Adriana, who faded away.

Not so with Tony, who has discovered, with Carmela, the delights of Japanese cuisine at Nori's sushi bar. "I dream about this place," raved Carmela. "Sometimes even during sex," beamed Tony - who has ballooned out to 280 pounds-plus.

Weight, the putting on and taking off, was an issue in last night's episode. Tony's bulk has not gone unnoticed among captains like Vito, whose indiscreet remarks about T's vulnerability to a coronary attack won't have gone unnoticed either.

Agent Harris has also lost weight after a transfer to "Terrorism" in Pakistan, where he picked up a bug. "Wadda they eat there? Tabbouleh?" asked Christopher in one of his many thick-brilliant quips of the night.

Aah, Christopher. Where would we (and Tony) be without you? At the funeral of Ray Curto - thought to be one of the good old diamonds, in fact a grass - Chris guffawed over the "coincidence" of Lou Gehrig dying of Lou Gehrig's Disease.

Johnny Sack, arch slimeball, continued to smoke like a chimney and rule his empire from prison, through his loathsome captain Phil Leotardo. "The eyebrows, can't stand 'em," hissed Christopher.

Phil's guys did a hit on Soprano man Hesh and his son-in-law Eli. Both survived, but Eli was in a bad way in hospital. "Is that a catheter?" inquired a fuming Chris.

Money cannot make you happy, as Eugene "Gene" Ponteverco proved shockingly last night. Gene inherited $2 million from his aunt, who'd made good by marrying Victor Borge's agent. Gene and his wife were desperate to retire to Florida, to move their family out of harm's way, especially as the teenage son has started using needles.

Confident Tony would let him go, Gene and his wife started negotiations on a dream home then Chris coerced Gene to do an execution, promising it would go down well with Tony. No chance. Gene could never be allowed to retire, and the Feds were on his case ... to continue to be an informer. What a revelation. What pressure. Gene's dream was dead, and soon so was he, in a prolonged scene that was horrible to watch.

But back to our hero. After digging holes in senile Uncle Junior's garden to look for $40,000 Junior claimed had been in there for years, Tony confessed to Dr Melfi he couldn't take much more, whereupon she told him to stop evading the truth that Junior and Tony's mother had conspired to kill him. He said he'd seen a baby carriage coming one way with a baby, another carrying an old lady staring into nothing. "The circle of life," commented Melfi. "Circle-jerkle life," barked Tony.

With his selfish sister Janice now preoccupied with her baby, Tony had to take responsibility for Junior when his nurse was called away. Junior, who went upstairs to look for his false teeth, and was clearly barking, came down and shot him in the guts. This is serious. If Tony survives he might start to lose some weight.

Smart, amusing, real, awful. The best thing on TV since the last series.