KEY POINTS:
Television awards can be dull events but Saturday's Qantas Television Awards, broadcast on TV3 on Saturday night, had some special moments. The best one was towards the end when Lisa Chappell and big-winner of the night John Campbell came on to present the best drama series actors' awards
and he confessed to having perved at Chappell when she was on Gloss all those years ago - but not in a way that objectified her, of course.
"Hmmm. I was 16 back then," replied Chappell.
"Jesus! I feel like Roman Polanski!" gasped Campbell, abandoning the script.
Most of the rest of the proceedings was heavily script-reliant. Hosts Dominic Bowden and a most pregnant Petra Bagust opened the show with a satirical skit which embraced various local productions/current affairs events we've seen over the past year. We've seen this formula on American awards shows, but you can't blame our lot for ripping off a good idea.
So they took in Don Brash's marital woes, NZ Idol, Celebrity Treasure Island, where that poor baby (hope it never sees this show) was alleged to have been conceived, Dragons' Den and John Hawkesby giving career advice.
The birth took place in Shortland Street, where Petra screamed out for drugs. "Get lost, Michael Galvin. Where's Marc Ellis when you need him?" That raised a laugh.
Some of the category names were curly ones, like best reality show (non-format observational). That'd be something to put on the mantelpiece. The award went to Snotties, a show no one saw, as producer Colin McRae pointed out, because it was on at 10.30pm on Tuesdays.
Maybe the timeslot makes no difference. Sensing Murder won best reality (format). That did have a primetime slot but I don't have a sense of anyone who watched it.
Pulp Sport beat out bro' Town in a shocking moment of TV3 in-house rivalry, and the Maori Television Service became the little engine that could when it took best special event for its all-day Anzac coverage, co-hosted by Judy Bailey.
It must have been satisfying for her to go on stage when former boss Bill Ralston was in the audience, no doubt fulminating because TV One's news and current affairs team were getting a pasting from TV3.
TVNZ did okay in the best current affairs by a team, with 20/20 taking that title, and 20/20's Hayden Jones winning best current affairs reporter. This was the man who stared at Nicky Watson's boobs and asked one of the year's most important current affairs questions: Are they real?
But John Campbell and his team rolled them in the best news or current affairs presenter category, and best current affairs, in which his 7pm rival Close Up was not even nominated. Campbell declared he felt stupidly proud, too stunned to even say "mahvellous".
Stunned mullet award of the night must go to Simon Dallow, voted New Zealand's favourite male personality in the Woman's Day Readers' Choice Awards. Help! He didn't have a script so he spluttered he was lost for words, and went on to praise John Campbell as a shining beacon. Extraordinary.
With TV3's Mike McRoberts winning journalist of the year and best news report (team), you could sense Ralston's buttocks clenching as the best news battle came to a head. One News won. Whew. Or, as its executive producer said on stage, "Hallelujah".
Which is what Georgina Beyer must have been feeling when Rodney Hide carried her off stage at the end of the dance sequence. Hallelujah. He didn't drop her.