It’s New Year and yet again, we’re being bombarded with self-improvement guff

You might already be writing down resolutions for your health or fitness this year - or maybe you're already sick of hearing about them from other people. Photo / 123RF

OPINION:

It’s so interesting, isn’t it, to meet someone who not only navel gazes but gets right in there? Beneath the navel. I mean the type of person who thinks you might be enthralled to know all about their intestinal flora, the good and bad bacteria in their gut, how they have improved their microbiome by eating horrible mouldy foods and now avoid anything actually delicious.

This is why I leave my house for these days. To meet people who are better than me in every possible way and want to tell me about it.

In fact, I cannot avoid it because the entire culture of self-improvement seeps out of every Instagram post, every other article or TV show. There is not one part of me or my life that could not be improved – as anyone who knows me will attest – but then I have an allergy to the banal solipsism that passes for “advice”.

Half of the inspirational quotes I see on Facebook inspire murderous thoughts in me as they are often attributed to the wrong person. Education, truth and accuracy do not seem to figure much in the current avalanche of self-help bunkum.

It is the season, of course, in which everyone will be making resolutions that they will inevitably break. Did you know about Dry January? Gosh, I had no idea about that though the born-again zealots are preaching the benefits of sobriety 24/7. Clear skin. Clear heads. Clear hearts. They are now so pure that they don’t even think about drinking anymore. Except when they are chastising the rest of us about it.

Life is simply wonderful since they have given up sugar/dairy/wheat /something you have never heard of but have possibly eaten. Seaweed is the secret. Or some kind of seed or just not eating for long periods, intermittent fasting. You are now what you DON’T eat.

Few celebrities are honest about their gastric sleeves or Ozempic, their facelifts and their surgeries. These are the role models of selfie culture which is indeed global and does require a focus on the body to some insane degree.

Seemingly every TikTok account has a series of exercises which will change everything. If you are not already getting up at 5am to go to the gym or on your Peloton, are you even alive? Those of us who think 5am is the middle of the night would prefer to be dead. Only young people think they will live forever, the rest of us know a lot rests on luck and genes no matter how much wall pilates we do. Look, I am aware that this stuff is to help us with ageing but, again, there is dishonesty about what ageing is. Above all, it’s not dying.

You can have as many tweakments as you like but in the end, your face will crumble so look outwards at the world instead of mourning your reflection.

Facial 'tweakments' like filler and Botox promise to improve our lives. Photo / 123rf

It is said that each generation gets the self-help it deserves. In times of economic crisis, for instance, there will be a lot of ‘personal finance’ marketed mainly to men. How to make lots of money, triumph in crypto and become the boss. Fewer of these books and podcasts are aimed at women because we are more prone to spiritual nonsense when we forsake material goods for some higher value of self-worth. Remember the whole Marie Kondo era of sock arranging and throwing stuff out? Really what was that all about? Is having less clutter genuine enlightenment? Or basic spring cleaning?

When I was young, all self-help was of the Women Who Love Too Much variety but a whole new market is now tapping into the ‘women who love too much stuff’ genre. It’s the same with fashion. Buy/don’t buy. Just a few very expensive things from designers who are concerned about the planet.

Often I can see why there is a generation that rejects a crazy work ethic and would rather have a nicer life because these messages are so schizophrenic and take no account of the actual circumstances of the average person. If people cannot afford homes, then their bodies may well be not just their temples but the one thing they can control and take care of. DIY and loft extensions are the stuff of dreams for many. Learning Mandarin is more in reach.

The project that used to be a home and family is now the self-actualisation of the individual. That background noise that throbs away telling us that we can become better people, live our best lives and be our best selves, exists almost in isolation from others. The goal is control in a time of chaos which explains the pull of Andrew Tate and his like, who hand out rules to live by. That those rules may be regressive and harmful does not stop their popularity.

Real therapy means doing the work and looking inward, not just sprinkling the jargon into everyday conversations. Photo / 123rf

Self-reflection is a great thing, please don’t get me wrong but self-reflection without challenge morphs into narcissism. The infiltration of therapy speaks into everyday language – and I have just done it with narcissism, the disorder du jour, is part of the problem with all this. Actual therapy or indeed any actual faith means doing “the work”, it means looking inward and it’s a difficult and ongoing process. There is never a simple solution to a problem but the self-help world encourages self-diagnosis, so everyone is on the spectrum, traumatised, has low self-esteem or is controlled by a narcissist. These terms are thrown about and self-improvement is achieved by categorising oneself as though that in itself is the answer.

It isn’t.

There are so many ways in which we might improve ourselves not by simply being better at something: being thin, being fit, being productive but by being better to other people. This competitive optimising of selfhood feels desperate, lonely and, of course, impossible.

So please don’t tell me what you are giving up this year. I really don’t care. Instead, what will you give to the world? Beyond a kefir starter.