KEY POINTS:
A peek inside a woman's bag is a peek inside her soul, writes Australian author Kathryn Eisman in her new book How To Tell a Woman By Her Handbag ($28, Penguin).
From the streamlined, with just a lipstick and a credit card, to those overflowing with old receipts and bus tickets, our handbags play an essential part in our daily life.
But, as Eisman points out, you needn't go as far as looking at the contents, just one glance at the bag itself will tell you everything you need to know.
In this extract from her tongue-in-cheek book, we share her take on the link between a woman's favourite bag and the woman herself.
Hermes Kelly Bag lady
"I'm rich, I'm powerful, and I sure did marry well." This is what the Kelly bag says, elegantly dangling from a manicured fist. When Kelly Lady walks into a room, people make way. At a party everyone knows Kelly Lady has "arrived" even if she's a no-show.
While she might have been born into privilege, she secured the corner office by out-styling and out-slimming her competition. She's the uber-chic urban hustler with the grooming of an heiress, who's more fearful of white bread than white supremacy. She's a perfectionist who fearlessly and masterfully deals with confrontation and office politics - and that's just her ordering a trim flat white.
Pity the fool who ever tries mugging Kelly Lady. From her lethally spiked Manolo Blahnik heels to her razor-sharp ghd-straightened bob, this woman is as much fatale as she is femme. She is focused and knows exactly who to do over to get the job done. She's the ultimate power-player in the perfect Bill Blass suit, who is permanently dressed for lunch but never eats any.
You'll recognise Kelly Lady because she'll be immaculately groomed and will rarely carry any other bag, even if her leather trophy is an an ugly shade of plum. Since she's spent six months on a waiting list and six months to pay on it, she'll be holding this old bag until she becomes one.
PROS: A walking icon.
CONS: She can be about as warm as a New York winter. She shouldn't sacrifice her soul for style.
Logo luggage lady
Yes, the luggage cost more than most people's holidays, but that's the point. For Logo Lady, half the fun of travelling is watching people look on in envy as she nonchalantly identifies her designer bags on the carousel, leaving others to desperately try to decipher which tattered black bag belongs to them.
She's the first-class fashionista who orders a bloody Mary on arriving at Heathrow, and slips on a pair of oversized dark shades just in case the paparazzi remember to show up. When this woman says she means business, don't even suggest flying economy.
Logo Girl aspires to greatness, though not necessarily in the the most noble of areas. She'll aim to own the most expensive shoes, receive the most party invites, become the most photographed nobody, gain the world record for the most air kisses per minute. She laughs louder, flies further and shops longer than mere mortals have the will or the right to do. And though she may not be a classic beauty, her confidence, warmth and va-va-voom will make any party hush as she walks into the room.
She was born a star. Not content with the constant dull glow of life on Earth, she sparkles brighter and fades sooner. She'll be going out with a full face of makeup and a coy, well-rehearsed final remark.
PROS: Knows how to "work it".
CONS: Too much networking and not enough working. Sometimes you schmooze and you still lose.
Quilted Chanel lady
The quilted Chanel bag belongs to one of two different women: the original and older sort, who is genuinely ladylike; and the newcomer, the younger fashionista, who has recognised that the world responds well to a lady, and so has decided to act like one. Both types cultivate an image of old money, even if they grew up in working-class suburbs.
From her cashmere twinsets to her south-sea pearls, Chanel Bag Lady oozes class out of every double-stitched seam. At home she knows how to set the table; at work she effortlessly sets the agenda. Her girlfriends ask her for advice on the appropriate outfit for an event, and her colleagues ask her to head their charity committees.
Her attitude may well be blue blood, but she's more red-blooded that she'd ever admit. She'll fix herself a hot cup of English breakfast tea after she's had some even hotter sex. No, it won't have been with her husband; he'll have been far too busy at work with his secretary. It will have been the spunky gardener at home waiting to mow her prize-winning hedges.
While her girlfriends can't decide between the salmon carpaccio with truffle oil and the tomato and mozzarella de buffalo caprese salad, she knows exactly what she wants. She's known ever since she first subscribed to Town and Country magazine, aged 9.
PROS: Always appropriate.
CONS: Sometimes she's also a perfect bore. If people saw the real her, they'd actually really like her.
Ethically chic bag lady
Forget ostrich, croc or kidskin, this gal knows that ethics are officially in. You will find her at her local organic grocery store, sensually smelling the peaches and pressing the mangos for firmness. Eco-Chic Chick finds the experience satisfies both her senses and her sense of right and wrong. She's also pleased to have discovered that she doesn't feel as guilty buying chocolate, if it's labelled organic.
She considers herself spiritual, and after her weekly Pilates class feels closer to God, as well as those snug size-10 pants.
Although she may be a tad vain, she has warm blood flowing through them.
Always ready to offer a gentle smile or an embrace, she is a magnificent hostess, and you'd prefer to spend more time at her home than at your own.
Most at peace surrounded by close family and friends, she gives of herself so that others may feel at ease. But when all the guests have left, when she's washed up the last glass and cleared the leftovers into the compost bin, she sometimes wonders if her friends realise how much she's given up for them.
Eco-Chic Chick is passionate about doing the right thing and genuinely hopes to leave a better world for her children.
She's a modern greenie who's willing to shorten the length of her beloved hot showers, and change to energy saving light globes - as long as it doesn't ruin the look of her lamps. She'll happily switch to green power and stilettos if it helps reduce her carbon footprint.
PROS: Thanks to her, green is the new black.
CONS: Don't just buy organic water, recycle the bottle.
French basket lady
She greets you with an open-armed "Ciao!" and a kiss on both cheeks. She drinks a milky, full-fat cappuccino instead of a trim Starbucks version. She's impeccably groomed, managing to look earthy and glamorous at once: she's all sensual lips and womanly hips. Her beige linen pants float breezily around her olive legs, and cream suede loafers adorn her butter-soft feet.
She's well practised in the subtle art of femininity, managing to radiate both a motherly comfort and a sex-goddess aura, a mix men find irresistible.
Even when running simple errands, such as buying antipasto at the local delicatessen, she uses the tricks her mother taught her - the power of a well-arched eyebrow, a hint of cleavage, and the promise of a home-cooked meal (even if it's not always her home that it's been cooked in).
Just as she'd never dream of running after the chook she plans to roast in honey marinade, she'd never chase a man either. Instead, she lures him with all things sticky and sweet and then has him for breakfast.
Basket Lady has cosmopolitan flair with a knowing smile that instantly puts people at ease. She's a great judge of character and has an innate sense of style; she can turn a small business into a bubbling cash flow, or a tiny cafe into a the chic-est spot in town.
PROS: Knows that the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. One bite and you're hers.
CONS: Men want to make her their wife as well as their mistress.
- Text and Illustration Copyright 2008 Kathryn Eisman.
