It ain't half hot for a funny-girl

By NAOMI LARKIN

It used to be the domain of legendary greats like Vera Lynn and Marilyn Monroe. Now, Auck-lander Cal Wilson is doing her bit to entertain the troops.

The stand-up comic is used to plying her brand of urban humour within the comfortable bars of inner-city Auckland and occasionally taking it to the rural heartland with the all-women show, Lippy.

But since Tuesday, with a noisy two-hour flight in an RNZAF Hercules from Darwin to Dili under her belt, the 29-year-old has faced a "reality check."

She and four male comedians, along with female singer Ainslee Allen, are in strife-torn East Timor to amuse New Zealand's 660 peace-keepers.

"We have our safe little lives where we're basically indoor pets. Then you get out here and these guys do this job which puts them in danger. It's a whole different life."

The five-day, six-concert tour was the brainchild of comedians Mike King and James Elliot, who organised sponsorship and received assistance from the New Zealand Defence Force. Wilson is not being paid to perform.

Since the group landed at Dili Airport they have performed their joint show in mountainous Tilomar, Belulik Letan and the battalion headquarters in Suai. They are due to arrive back in Darwin today.

Wilson, whose comedy show Hell Kitty focused on characters such as Adele, a feminist poet taking time out from the pottery stall at the Grey Lynn Community Festival, and Krystelle, an exotic dancer in a buffalo headdress, says she has had to tailor her material to get a laugh.

"It's not the same show I'd do in the middle of Auckland. It's for a bunch of guys primarily, so I've picked material I think would work over here and [tried to] find new jokes about the whole situation as well.

"It's stuff that is not going to be threatening to guys in uniform. Stuff that's general - not too raunchy but it isn't sedate either.

"The stakes are a little bit higher because the audience has guns, so you've got to make them laugh."

Her 10 to 15 minute slot traverses topics such as travel, her boyfriend, her love of foreign accents and things that happen on the night.

The response, she says, has been fantastic. "They have really appreciated the fact that someone has come over to entertain them. That New Zealand hasn't just gone, 'Yeah you're over there and we don't care'."

With stages made from dining tables laid on top of boxes of live ammunition, the entertainers have had to ad-lib a little more than usual.

"Sometimes we've had to cut the show down because they've had to go out into the hills.

"That's a really gob-smacking thing to happen. They are sitting there in their combat gear with their rifles, we're making them laugh, then they are going out into the dark to search for people who could possibly kill them."

The group travelled in armoured vehicles from Tilomar to Belulik Letan and in RNZAF Iroquois helicopters - "where you hang your legs outside and they don't have any doors" - to Suai.

Temperatures have soared to 53 degrees, which Wilson describes as "like being shut in the car with the windows up on a really hot day." Malaria is a constant threat.

Accommodation for the performers has consisted of army tents and an old hospital that's been nicknamed the White House.

"We haven't seen anything dangerous but there have been sightings of militia so the threat is up since we got here. I feel really safe but it's that strange thing that we're having a fantastic time but there is that element of life and death hanging over it."

The group was flown to the site of last year's massacre in a Suai church where about 200 people were killed. Incidents like this have driven home the reality of the situation and upped Wilson's respect for the Defence Force.

"Peace-keeping is not just pottering around and shaking hands so they do need a bit of light relief."

Wilson has been shocked to discover that - just like the song says - the average age of the soldiers is 19: "They're babies."

She admits she is still processing the experience and it's too early to predict how the trip will provide fodder for future comedy routines.

* Lippy is on at the Mandalay, Auckland, Sept 30.