Rebecca Barry: Survive on less sleep? What a nightmare

Margaret Thatcher and Bill Clinton - five or six hours enough for them. Photos / Martin Sykes, Herald file

What do your sleep patterns say about you? A new study has found that if you fall asleep in the fetal position and wake up in starfish, you're really annoying to sleep with.

I know all about sleep, been doing it for years. But this seemingly innocuous question wasn't care of a pop quiz.

It was the backbone of a Serious Scientific Study asking how much, or little each of us needs. The gene that determines our individual requirements was pinpointed 10 years ago and now scientists have found that a mutation exists in some people - let's call them freaks - who don't need as much as the rest of us.

Such as the mother and daughter, 30 years apart, who go to bed at 10.30 and rise, alert and rested at 4.15am.

Surely this is a heinous genetic crime. Who doesn't love sleep? (Although if you want to get zen about it, you can't really love sleep unless you're awake and thinking about how you love sleep.)

But just imagine what you could accomplish with an extra three hours of waking life a day.

That's about six weeks a year to fulfil those dreams, swamped long ago in a pool of stress.

You could finally type paragraph marks into your time sheets. Scrape the dried egg off the inside of the microwave. Or if you're feeling ambitious, create a sushi pizza.

It's interesting they chose to cite political leaders as the "great" freaks in this study. Napoleon Bonaparte, Bill Clinton and Margaret Thatcher were reportedly quite happy to survive on just five to six hours a night, which suggests we'd all be capable of running an empire and having sexual relations with that woman if only we got up earlier. Turns out Thomas Edison invented the light bulb for a reason - he thought sleep was a waste of time.

Mayor John Banks recently agreed, believing his own five to six hours a night not to be the result of his biochemistry but a discipline winners choose.

Being a greedy eight-hour-a-nighter, I can say that's not true. I'd be more like Hitler without my allotted slumber. Today's great freaks can't do without theirs either.

After breaking his own record last week, world's fastest man Usain Bolt told the press he just wanted to go to sleep.

We all want more sleep and yet we never have enough waking hours. If you could harness the power of the mutant gene, would you?

The idea that we can wager a form of control over our sleeping patterns is nothing new but what if it was "less is more" we were aiming for? We could save the economy, the whales, the environment, depending on what kinds of lightbulbs we use. We may not have to wash the sheets as often.

Technology is already cultivating a future generation of insomniacs and oddly wired adults. It's worrying to hear of teens - especially given their need for more rest during those physically disruptive years - to "sleep" next to their mobile phones as they beep all hours. Then there's P but that's another story.

Camping is a great example of our caveman requirements - it's probably the most restful kind of holiday you can get. Aside from the pitching of tents and wrestling of bears, you usually go to sleep when it gets dark (around 9.30pm) and wake up with the sun (6am). How many childless people do that regularly at home?

Thankfully I'm a fairly reliable sleeper. My only real concern is my physical sleep pattern, something akin to an upside-down fetal starfish.

An osteopath recently informed me this babyish position was a terrible way to lie and insisted I try to sleep on my side as it's better for the body. Breaking habits is one thing but a habit that goes back to childhood is like rehab.

Every night I lie on my side for 30 seconds then give up. Still, can't complain too much.

A friend I used to flat with suffered such heartbreaking insomnia she couldn't do without her earplugs - we couldn't pull the rubbish bin up the driveway at night or use the microwave lest the beeping noise interrupt her sleep.

It's not much fun at the other end of the spectrum, either. I once knew someone who suffered from narcolepsy and once he was out, he was out and there was absolutely no waking him.

You could slap him in the face with a soggy hamburger and he'd lie there snoring lettuce leaves. As mean students we once dressed him as a woman and took him out on the town (still sleeping). Then we went home and slept it off without even thinking about it.