Michele Hewitson: TV chef wannabes get knives out

Cooking is mostly dull stuff - despite Gordon Ramsay's antics and Anthony Bourdain's laboured attempts to be the Steve Irwin of the food world.

Cooking has its moments, of course, but they are, like a flaming splash of brandy in a hot pan, occasional and short-lived.

On Top Chef (last night, 7.30, TV3) they do away, mostly, with the boring bits. Made by the people responsible for Project Runway, which is not my cup of mushroom veloute, Top Chef is like Project Runway meets America's Next Top Model. But with food. The attitude is the same. The contestants say things like, "I'm definitely a leader. I lead by example." And "I don't want to be a cliche but I'm not here to make friends."

The chefs are all either working kitchen chefs wanting to get famous, self-taught cooks wanting to be chefs, or private chefs to the famous.

There is some name dropping: Eddie Murphy, Mariah Carey, Beyonce.

One is a nutritionist nut whose signature dish includes gritty kale and some other horrible vegetables and which looks like puke.

Hopefully she will have to pack her knives and leave the kitchen soon.

There are elements of Survivor here too. As in the aforementioned "pack your knives", and as in the competing chefs being given the chance to stick the knives in. Ken got it in the back last night. He was the most annoying contestant by far.

On most of these sorts of shows, that would have guaranteed he was around for a lot longer. But no, he got the old chop. Told to taste a sauce during the "survive 30 minutes on the line" first challenge at the famous Fleur de Lys restaurant in San Francisco (where Michael Dearth, co-owner of Auckland's The Grove restaurant, worked) he stuck his finger in. He had to leave the line and later argued with chef and judge Hubert Keller. What a dummy. As most of the other contestants (read crawlers) knew, you have to suck up to the chef.

The winner of the first challenge of the night gets immunity from the old chop. At least they don't get a potato ricer to hang around their neck to indicate this immunity.

The second challenge, to cook a signature dish, also cuts out the boring bits: the prep, the three hours it takes to cook the thing. Mostly this is boring, because it is cooking. Except when it is Cynthia, the caterer to Beyonce and J. Lo, who is doing the cooking. "Where the **** is my pomegranate? The pomegranate was stolen. No, I lost it."

Despite the loss of Ken, there is already another candidate for most annoying saute-er. Stephen is a sommelier with pretensions. He does "retro-nasal tasting". I don't know what this means but it's as good a term for snooty twit as any.

Top Chef has pretensions too. It pretends it is a serious cooking show when really it's a jolly entertaining reality show with potential. It may not have been as bitchy as Top Model yet, but where there are egos and knives and prizes there is hope.