Q: I am a single woman in my late 30s. I am also a neurosurgeon, and my medical training ate up 15 years of my life. I don’t regret it. I love my work, but it often meant sacrificing my personal life. The problem: I want to have children, and
I’m racing my biological clock and a tight-lipped boyfriend. Help!
By Philip Galanes
New York Times·
5 mins to read
How do you approach the topic of children with a new partner when your biological clock is ticking? Photo / 123RF
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Q: My brother and I went home to celebrate our mother’s birthday. While we were there, I saw by accident that my brother was sexting with a woman who is not his fiancée. (She didn’t make the trip.) I am so upset. Should I warn his fiancée about his disgusting behaviour? - Sister
A: Let’s put aside questions about the “accident” that caused you to spy on your brother’s phone and read a text chain closely enough to determine both its subject and the identity of the other party.
To the extent this is any of your business, which I question, why wouldn’t you start by talking to your brother? We don’t know the circumstances of this conversation, what came of it or whether your brother has an agreement with his fiancée about online flirting. Unless your aim is to break up his engagement, it’s hard to imagine why his fiancée would be your first stop.
It’s not the flight that makes a first hello special
Q: My husband’s father is dying and has only a few weeks to live. We have a newborn, and my husband wants the three of us to fly from New York, where we live, to Paris, where his father lives, so his dad can meet the baby before he passes. We’re told that his father is mostly out of it now. I am terrified to fly with our newborn with the current rates of Covid infection, flu and RSV. Plus, flying for eight hours with a baby while pumping breast milk feels like too much to me! What should I do? - Wife
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A: Trust your instincts. Be gentle with your husband, though, when you make your case. Both of you are probably overwhelmed with the new baby, and your husband will soon be grieving a deep loss. I’m sorry that so much is happening at once.
Your husband’s impulse to let his dying father hold his grandchild is a loving one, but it’s not practical now. Encourage him to make the trip alone. Explain — with your doctor, if necessary — that your newborn’s immune system is too vulnerable to illness to make long flights sensible. A video introduction to the baby will be fine, but your husband may need your help to see that.
Just be glad I’m not asking for interest
Q: Last summer, I bought four tickets to a concert for three friends and me. They each agreed to pay $400 before I bought the tickets. We had a great time! Two of my friends repaid me at the concert; one didn’t. I reminded her a few weeks later by text. She apologised profusely and promised to pay me right away. Well, now it’s four months later, and she still hasn’t paid. I want to send another reminder, but I’m afraid to. What if she still doesn’t pay me back? - Friend
A: Either your friend is going to pay you, or she is not. It’s true, I suppose, that delaying your (second) request lets you avoid the certainty of her being a deadbeat. Still, she has strung you along for months already, and here you are fretting preemptively about her next move. Not stellar friend behaviour!
Ask her for the money directly. The sooner she acts, the sooner you can start processing your feelings about it. This is not a problem that improves with time.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Philip Galanes
©2023 THE NEW YORK TIMES
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