Kiwi dominatrix Sarah Elliott says her love of the kink and fetish communities is due to it being a safer environment than a normal pub. Photo / Supplied
Kiwi dominatrix Sarah Elliott says her love of the kink and fetish communities is due to it being a safer environment than a normal pub. Photo / Supplied
A Kiwi dominatrix who has hit headlines around the world for her racy sex life and failed whirlwind wedding is denying claims she takes part in orgies.
Sarah Elliott told the Herald she "couldn't think of anything worse" and was in fact a devout Christian who regularly attended church.
Elliott and ex-husband Paul Edwards first gained media attention after their Married At First Sight-influenced wedding just days after meeting on dating app Bumble.
The adopted Wellington-raised 34-year-old said she and Edwards hit it off straight away, so when he suggested the idea four days after matching in December last year, she thought why not.
"We felt like we knew each other really well and were talking about how impulsive we are so we thought why not."
But just five days after getting married, when they were back in London, their relationship started to show cracks with Edwards showing signs of controlling and jealous behaviour, she claims.
After just two months, the pair broke up, with Elliott saying he wasn't the man she thought he was.
"He didn't treat me respectfully," the former Queen Margaret College student said.
"Looking back he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. The unfortunate thing is I had already told him what I wanted from a man."
She claims Edwards was interested in swinging, which was more about sex.
"It's not at all my thing, I mean it goes against my faith. I couldn't think of anything worse."
She said the fetish and kink community that she was into, wasn't so focused on sex,
Despite breaking up, the headlines had continued with revelations this week that the unemployed Edwards was now living in a caravan in Sussex.
Elliott said Edwards had always wanted to live in a caravan, a prospect he had proposed to her but she balked at.
Commentary that she had refused to return his ring - a request which she said was only made by him three days ago - had also been twisted. She said she didn't want to keep it but hadn't got round to posting it back to him.
However, claims that she had taken part in orgies were a step too far for her and her conservative, elderly Wellington-based parents who were currently visiting her in England.
"Random sex with random strangers. The whole thing horrifies me and that's why I quite like polyamory as it's about committed relationships.
Kiwi dominatrix Sarah Elliott, 34, in happier times with now ex-husband Paul Edwards. Photo / Zoltan Photography
"It's about building connections before you even get into any sexual relationship."
THE KINK/FETISH COMMUNITY
Elliott said she enjoyed being a part of the kink community because "they're fun and consensual and we dress up".
She went to an event recently where they dressed up as mermaids.
"Like why not, it's fun. We're mermaids, we go out, we have a few drinks, we don't get groped and it's a brilliant night out."
"The kink community is very different from the swinging community because they're very different things. The swinging community is all about casual, promiscuous sex. [Kink] is very consensual ... it puts me in a much more respectful position than going to an ordinary club.
"You don't get men hitting on you or men touching you. People even say to you 'oh nice to see you again, can I give you a hug?'. It's nothing to do with sex whatsoever.
"The swinging club was something else."
An example of someone in the "kink community" getting their kicks was her friend who spent the night at his girlfriend's party, on all fours, as a coffee table.
However, her friend said it was rather "boring" as he couldn't drink or talk to anyone.
Former Wellington woman Sarah Elliott has hit out at several false claims about her polyamorous lifestyle. Photo / Supplied
"There was no sex involved. he was literally a coffee table. He said 'I was so bored' but equally, because he's submissive, he's like 'okay, fine'. That's what they told him to do.
"Sex bores him. He'd much rather be a coffee table than have sex."
About two months ago, she met one of her new partners who introduced her to Polyamory.
"He's 29 and I went on a date and he explained what polyamory meant to him. He said it's just a really open, loving relationship - about wanting the other person to be happy and forgetting about your own silly feelings, about jealousy.
"If you're secure enough in yourself and you're secure enough in your relationship with them then you don't get jealous. It takes people with a great deal of emotional maturity to be polyamorous."
That was the moment she declared she would never be in a relationship with one person again. However, again, their connection wasn't about sex. In fact, they didn't have any; they were just really close friends.
"Polyamory in the UK is becoming much more mainstream, really mainstream. I would say, out of my friends, 10 or 20 per cent are not."
The night after her date with him, she met her second boyfriend, who is 27.
After explaining polyamory to him, he was also happy to be her partner, albeit with sex.
"It's time all that [controlling] bulls*** ends really, because we're not in control of other people. People are their own people. If we love them we will respect them enough to be happy.
"I wouldn't look back now."
HOME OWNERSHIP
She also denied that Edwards had ever owned a share of the house she and ex Paul Rutson had owned, stating the house sale had been completed months before she'd met Edwards.
The settlement took about six months to be completed, she said.
One of the best parts of being in the kink community was being able to dress up, Sarah Elliott says. Photo / Supplied
It just happened to be a coincidence that not only were her husband and ex boyfriend called Paul, but they also had a flatmate called Paul at the house at the time.
"And there was nothing there, he wasn't interested in sex anyway. I had another friend, who's just a friend, also called Paul and that was where the whole 'three Paul' thing came from.
"We needed the rent and we needed the money because it's so expensive to live here."
As for people who might criticise and disapprove of her kinky Christian life, she urged them to look at their own behaviour before preaching about others.
"Don't judge unless you're willing to be judged yourself. I don't tell lies, I don't steal, I'm completely open and honest with myself and others.
"I feel that I'm a good Christian, according to my own values and the values that I take away from the Bible."
As for anyone who may currently be unhappy in their relationship, she urged them to seek help from friends or family or organisations that could help.
"If you're not being treated how you want to be treated, then you have a right to stand up. I want to encourage anyone to stand up ... all that matters is that you are safe."
Where to go for help or more information: • Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 refuge or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
