KEY POINTS:
When my first daughter, Malsy, started school I took a week off from my job as general manager of sales and marketing at TVNZ so I could take her to school. Seeing all the other mothers dropping their children and picking them up, I thought "I don't want to be a mother who can't do this." I went for a run and thought "If I get to the top of this hill I'm going to go home and make a change." I made it to the top, went home, opened the paper and saw an advertisement for this job.
Opportunities don't just present themselves, you have to want them and look for them. And I think you become more selfless as you get older. I took on this job because I wanted to do something that would help people's wellbeing, society's wellbeing.
There is no cure for dementia. We want to ensure that if a diagnosis is given, there's a referral to an organisation like ours. People with dementia don't know how the disease will progress and how long it will take. New Zealand has more than 32,000 people with dementia, and that's predicted to double in the next 15-20 years.
One evening, Adam went down on bended knee and proposed to me. We'd been together eight years and already had a family; his daughter Rosa [now 14], and our daughters Maisy [7] and Meadow [4]. My mother, who lives with us, was there, and the ring was in Maisy's dressing-gown pocket - it was my birthday and he wrote a love poem and read it aloud. So romantic.
We want dementia to become a national health priority, as it is in Australia, so it's recognised at every single level of health care with greater public funding and service priority. We want to avoid people ending up in residential care before necessary or being admitted to hospital because of problems like acute constipation, dehydration or forgetting to eat - all that can be avoided if people are aware of the problems that might arise and know what to do.
"Always respect your mother." That's what my dad always used to say, along with "You'll never understand being a parent until you are one." He was so right.
We don't call them sufferers. That's a term that doesn't necessarily give hope. We tell people that even though there is no cure, and it's an insidious disease, there are still things that can be done to help. Studies are starting to suggest people can slow the disease's progress by remaining active, stimulated and socialised.
Get support. That's our big message for carers, because many think they have to cope alone, and it can be a very isolating thing. We don't want to end up with two people having emotional and physical problems because of the burden of caring. We can co-care with them, for example by providing up to four hours' relief care a week, and enrolling them in our six-week carers education course.
A lot of people try to have the same relationship they've always had when a relative develops dementia - but as the brain cells die, that persons personality will change. If you know what to expect, you can start developing a relationship at a different level.
There's a huge black hole for younger people with dementia - some are diagnosed as early as 40 or 41, and there's still a huge stigma attached; people don't know how to react, they tend to stop visiting and stop inviting. It's where cancer was 20 years ago, feared and not spoken about publicly.
Risotto. Can't get enough, but I never bother making it at home. I'd much rather order it in a restaurant - a little bit sticky, and really flavoursome; that's how I like it.
* Sue Brewster is general manager of Alzheimers Auckland, a not-for-profit society that raises awareness of dementia (which in 60 per cent of cases is attributed to Alzheimers disease) and provides support, advice and information for all people affected by dementia. To contact your local Alzheimers organisation, phone 0800 004 001.
