KEY POINTS:
I think I used the line storm in a D-cup last year when the annual Steve Crow three-ringed circus came to town. To advertise his Erotica expo and get the punters along to the ASB Showgrounds over the weekend, Crow stages a Boobs on Bikes parade through Queen St.
He needs to drum up enthusiasm for the expo, I imagine, as a cursory flick through the schedule doesn't sound all that wildly exciting.
Jelly pool wrestling, Paint the Porn Star and Lisa Lewis on high rotate won't be enough to drag me away from rearranging the pot cupboard next weekend. And I've highlighted the top attractions.
So men being the visual creatures they are probably need some sort of sensory filip to induce them to drag the missus away from hearth and home and into the Showgrounds.
I haven't seen the parade but as I understand it, topless girls writhe on the backs of motorbikes driven by blokes. There'd be no shortage of drivers. The parade gathers quite the crowd - certainly more than Brian Tamaki can muster. Or the anti-GE campaigners. Or those calling for an end to violence against children.
I've lived in Auckland for 10 years and I've never seen one of these parades. Admittedly, I don't work in the inner city but not even by chance have I found myself in Queen St when the paid party girls are doing their stuff.
I think you'd have to work quite hard to be offended by the Boobs on Bikes parade.
You'd have to have split-second timing and a fearsome resolve to get yourself to the front of the mainly male crowd lining the streets to be shocked and horrified by the sight of unfettered mammaries bouncing along Queen St.
Do plastic breasts bounce? I guess if I really wanted to know I could go to the parade and find out. But I won't.
Not because I find it offensive and demeaning but because it's a bit of a yawn. And I'd just be another pawn in Steve Crow's porn game if I do.
I can understand other people being offended by the idea of the parade but surely they realise that all the hoo-ha over the hooters is simply giving Crow oxygen.
One thousand people may have sent in emails to the council requesting the parade not go ahead but doesn't that also indicate many thousands of people simply do not care?
All this talk of court injunctions and councillor Cathy Casey lying down in the middle of the road to prevent the passage of the parade is giving Crow more column inches than his visiting male porn stars laid end-to-end could possibly provide.
And as for Casey promising to bring in like-minded women to halt the boobs on bikes if the police fail to take action - my word! A bitch fight would be more than Crow would ever have dared to dream.
The best way to deal with this sort of ostentatious self-promotion is to ignore it. I'm staggered there are still thousands of men who would take the time to watch, given boobs are fairly common-place.
I suppose if you've spent the morning in an office, data processing or wading through cost analysis projections, a few goose-pimpled porn stars might provide a bit of titillation. However, it seems the girls are gradually losing their appeal.
In 2006, police estimated a crowd of about 100,000 lined the streets; last year, it was down to tens of thousands. That's still more than most event organisers can gather, but Crow might have to come up with something a bit different this year if he wants to keep the crowds coming.
If Cathy Casey's not careful she might find she's played right into Crow's hands and become the star attraction.
