Jimmy Lerner: You Got Nothing Coming: Notes from a prison fish

Reviewed by MICHAEL LARSEN

Jimmy Lerner's got life in jail and there ain't nothin' nice about that.

Jimmy Lerner killed Dwayne "The Monster" in a fit of well-justified self-defence and, with his attorney's advice, copped a plea bargain with the DA to escape death by lethal injection.

"This is a two-to-twelve sentence; with good behaviour you'll be out in two," says counsel Frank Shapiro, intimating that (a) it's a better option than the 10 per cent chance of Lerner getting syringed, and (b) that prison is no great trial to a white middle-class ex-phone company marketing manager.

Wrong on both counts.

"Ain't nothin' nice about that", to use penitentiary parlance.

"You got nothin' comin", a term used for those who get Life Without (parole), is an accurate state of the hopelessness of life inside.

Lerner, who kept a diary in the hope of retaining his sanity, documents in detail his prison career, starting with his induction - where his wingtip brogues earn him the "jacket" OG, as in "original gangsta" - through his cellmates Kansas, Spoony and new "buddies" Bones, Big Bear and Two-Tears.

If you think prison is a hellhole of strange allegiances, (literally) watching your back and despair doused with boredom, you'd be right.

But where this frighteningly true account could be dragged down in self-pity, Lerner keeps a good distance from the goings-on, mostly by accepting his fate and making the most of it.

A smart man, he learns fast - his early friendship with Kansas saves his life later in his stretch - and he amusingly uses all the skills he gathered on numerous corporate self-talk courses to get him through.

He also knows how to stand up for himself, a key trait in earning the crucial respect badge in a place with its own laws.

Not until well through this brilliant account does he take us back to the events leading up to his arrest and conviction, starting with his journey through Alcoholics Anonymous, unconventional and at times disrespectful, through to his acquaintance with "The Monster" and then ultimately Dwayne's grisly death.

Hilarious, sad and unflinchingly brutal, Lerner's skill as a storyteller shines through, and his ear for inmate dialogue will have you unwittingly rabbiting prison-speak to your nearest and dearest, whom you will annoy with spontaneous outbursts of uncontrollable laughter.

"What are you about dawg?" Fantastic.

Random House $26.95

* Michael Larsen is an Auckland freelance writer.