In the women's mags: Splitting up better fodder than hooking up

For women's magazines, couples hooking up are nowhere near as exciting as couples hitting the skids.

This is because couples hitting the skids involves many months of speculating how much money will change hands.

So Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney were a lifeline this week, given McCartney's $2 billion fortune and Heather possibly left only with her fake furs and lentils to keep her warm.

After deciding he'd had enough of silly love songs, McCartney blamed the media for the break-up. Woman's Day has another theory: Heather was "volatile" and jealous of his popularity.

"The main problem is that Heather cannot cope with Paul's fame - the fact that he is loved and revered the world over, while the same can't be said for her," a friend has told them. Paul "has had enough of being treated like a doormat". Lucky for her, he was a very rich doormat who wouldn't let her sign a pre-nup. Lucky too for the divorce lawyers, who are predicting this could be the biggest divorce case ever for British courts, if Heather doesn't do something silly like settle.

The Woman's Weekly is kinder - they report McCartney defending Heather from attacks she was a gold-digger and pleading for people to stop spreading such malicious untruths.

Woman's Day reports that Kirstie Alley was happy when she was fat, but Oprah isn't. She booked in for a stomach stapling, but pulled out at the last minute.

Horrifying news on the Trinny and Susannah front, says the Woman's Weekly.

Skinny Trinny of What Not to Wear fame has indulged in Botox.

"It's about prevention," she says, after confessing to undergoing the little jabs of wonder since she was 34. Astonishingly, her age has somehow still crept up to 41 in those intervening seven years.

And speaking of What Not to Wear, Woman's Day profiles Christine Rankin, who has found Buddhism and a new man. She claims she doesn't wear the short skirts any more, but has kept them as "keepsakes" of a painful era.

The Woman's Weekly harnesses all the considerable powers of its astrologer to declare the stars show Prince William and Kate Middleton are "perfect marriage material".

Wills decided it was wiser to stay on side with his grandmother than the stars. The Queen has warned him there was one particular characteristic of his mother's that he must not have inherited.

"There will be no more divorces in this family, so choose your partner carefully," she told him before he went off on a Caribbean holiday. No ring was presented.

Kate helps out by denying any similarities to Diana.

"I could never live up to her image and do not want to," she said.

To prove it, Kate's own "save the children" inclinations have taken on a slightly more capitalistic bent than Diana's visiting of Sudanese orphans - she's taking accounting lessons to set up a mail order business selling children's clothes.

Finally, Vince Vaughn wants to have a baby. He hasn't talked about it with Jennifer Aniston yet though, because when you're in Hollywood it makes far more sense to run it past the women's mags first.