In the women's mags: Local antics leave celebrities looking dull

The fun and games of local politicians has all made the shock/horror affairs so faithfully relied on by the women's magazines somewhat dull.

So this week's roundup sees such page-stoppers as the New Zealand Woman's Weekly trying to persuade us Oprah is sexy at 50. Which is slightly peculiar, given she is 52.

Nonetheless, it transpires she was caught pashing her man, Stedman, when she was meant to be learning scripts.

Described by friends as "still sexy and frisky" and "one hot mama", Oprah told the poor soul who sprang them she just needed "an afternoon delight".

All that exercise no doubt helps with her weight battles: Apparently she occasionally dreams of being 65kg but those cursed mashed potatoes and coconut cream pies just keep on cramming themselves into her mouth.

Despite all that romance, never let it be said Oprah is a lover not a fighter.

New Idea has all the details of a spat between the small-screen queen and big-screen queen Angelina Jolie.

Turns out Oprah had the gall to ask Jolie along to the opening of a new school for the poor in Johannesburg, only to be told Jolie was far too busy filming her movie A Mighty Heart.

So Oprah cut her off. No more phone calls, no more invitations, no more Oprah lovin'.

Meanwhile, a little girl waits.

An explanation for the lacklustre roundup was found in a brief on page four of the New Zealand Woman's Weekly. TomKat are due to tie the knot soon after tying the umbilical cord - a wedding is due in six weeks, says their official spokeswoman.

The announcement would have made all far too busy scuttling round with their chequebooks to bother much with entertaining the masses in the meantime.

On a more sobering note, Woman's Day carries the tragic story of Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son, Daniel, who died while visiting his mum and her newborn daughter Hannah Rose in hospital. The autopsy and toxicology tests were ongoing.

On the royals front, Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy's relationship is under stress. For some unfathomable reason, Davy doesn't want to leave the vast, hot plains of Africa where her parents run a game reserve to live in grey, rainy old England.

Princess Beatrice is living the dream to be a "mini-mummy", she declared on her 18th birthday. New Idea has pictures of her emerging from a nightclub at 3.25am with glazed eyes.

In local news, Woman's Day carries Lorraine Downes' tell-all about her good looks. She's fed up with living a life of illusion and wants people to know it's the work of professionals rather than nature.

Nothing as drastic as cosmetic surgery, of course. Just a bit of slap and, horror of horrors, hair extensions. Did Charlotte Dawson teach her nothing?