In the women's mags: Goo-gooing and tales about a hairy old man

If you haven't seen Brad Pitt's baby by now, you are in for a treat with New Idea. Several things strike you in the eight-page spread.

The first is that it's great to see Pitt gazing adoringly at someone who isn't Angelina. It's also interesting to see his grey stubble. And nice to know Ange needs a sturdy and practical maternity bra.

There's little gossip of note in the piece, but the pictures tell a story of complete and utter smugness.

A coup for New Idea but when it comes down to it, all babies that small look the same, so it was great to see the Woman's Day go for something completely different on its cover, a wild-eyed hairy man baring his teeth. Can this "doddery old man" really be the "virile and handsome stud" Catherine Zeta-Jones fell for? Indeed it is Michael Douglas. The pair are said to be set to flee Hollywood to escape a deranged stalker who was locked up for a while for making nasty threats but is now back in their neighbourhood. Perhaps the stress of this is what has turned Douglas into an "old kook".

Woman's Day makes do without Brangelina baby photos to reveal that Brad and Ange are already married.

It does have some baby photos of its own, but they are of Donald Trump's new baby, and Donald cooing over the crib can't really compete with Brad.

The Woman's Weekly leads with local couple Ali Mau and Simon Dallow, who have been married now for 10 years and say they have "emerged from the ashes" of job losses and marital squabbles stronger than ever.

The Woman's Weekly also says Kylie Minogue's boyfriend Olivier Martinez wants to marry the Aussie songbird but she doesn't want to rush it. Angelina features once again, this time saying she won't marry Brad, but the line that she has supposedly already tied the knot is not delved into.

And then there are those who won't make it down the aisle at all. New Idea showcases the split of Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz - their schedules have driven them apart, say their publicists. But perhaps it had more to do with the fact Matt "dragged her around the US in his poky campervan and entertained her by playing his bongos in the nude".

Some just can't make up their minds. Last week they were split but now Jemima Khan and Hugh Grant are back on and engaged.