‘I thought the nightmare would never end’: 34-year-old Kiwi mum’s terrifying cancer diagnosis

Invercargill mother Terina Gilbert, 34, reveals how she’s coped with the terrifying diagnosis of triple positive breast cancer. Photo / Joanne Te Tai

I held a Pink Ribbon Breakfast at my whare in May last year to highlight the importance of checking for breast lumps in both men and women. I wanted to make a difference! Little did I know, five months later, it would be me sitting in a doctor’s chair being told I had breast cancer.

Cancer was something I never thought would enter my whānau, but at the age of 33, with two young children, I found a lump on my left breast, so I went to the doctor to get it looked at. I was treated for a cyst, but soon I was down at A&E getting a scan done, followed later by a mammogram and a biopsy.

Less than one month later, I was diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer – ductal carcinoma in situ, where there are abnormal cells inside a milk duct in the breast, plus a mass tumour and lymph node involvement, which meant it had spread. I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect or what was going to come next.

On 13 November, I started the first of six rounds of chemo. It was brutal. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually brutal. It also lowered my immunity, so I also ended up with tonsillitis, shingles and skin infections.

Before her diagnosis with husband Murray, and kids Adolphius (left) and Anastaja. Photo / Joanne Te Tai

During my treatment, I was placed into early menopause. My ovaries were shut down, so my body would stop producing estragon to feed the cancer, so at 33, I went through menopause along with my mum Michelle. This means I can’t have any more children, so I feel absolutely blessed to have already had my two beautiful children, Adolphius, five, and Anastaja, two.

I’m of Ngāi Tahu descent and, halfway through my chemo, a friend told me about the Nga Kete Cancer Kaiarahi team. I had no idea how they could possibly help me when I was already pushing my husband Murray, 54, and friends away. However, I’m so grateful I let them in because I can barely even describe how much they helped me!

Terina and mum Michelle went through menopause together. Photo / Supplied

When I first met them, I burst into tears because I could finally talk to someone who understood what I was going through. I was struggling with losing my hair and people staring at me, but the team didn’t look at me differently.

Once the chemo was over, I had to have a mastectomy. That was really hard. I struggled with losing my dignity and my womanhood. Recovery was easy, but then I developed lymphedema, so now I have to wear a compression bandage on my arm every day.

The results of my treatment weren’t what we’d hoped. It showed I had more cancer, so then I was sent to Dunedin for radiation – away from my kids, husband and home. It seemed as though the nightmare would never end.

But the whole way through, Barbara Metzger and Jo Cullen from the Cancer Kaiarahi Service were there for me. It was a relief mentally, emotionally and financially. They’d turn up just to talk, which was sometimes all I needed.

Jo (left) and Barbara were Terina's life line. "They didn't look at me differently". Photo / Gareth Ratahi Poihakena

Those visits gave me the confidence to reach back out to my whānau and friends. Before, I thought I’d just burden people, but after meeting Barb and Jo, I realised I could open back up. They’ve made me realise it’s okay to feel like crap, as long as I can get up and keep going. I’m also receiving counselling, which helps.

The hardest part of my journey was having no control. I was living appointment to appointment, treatment by treatment, sometimes day by day. Barb and Jo have supported me in taking over, and not letting cancer control me any more.

I’m getting some scans done shortly to ensure I’m all clear and genetic testing to see if I carry the BRCA gene mutation. If so, I can have another mastectomy and the removal of my ovaries.

The support of Barb and Jo has meant the world to me. It meant I could vent about anything and everything knowing it was safe. If I hadn’t met these two, I’d still be that highly anxious, stressed-out woman. No matter how hard it gets, I can always ring them.

Terina with her son. Photo / Supplied

Things are getting better now. My hair is growing back, I had my teeth fixed ahead of treatment, I’ve met some wonderful people and I can’t wait to put together another Pink Ribbon Breakfast – even bigger than the last one!

I’ve won this battle because I’m still here and I feel the best I’ve ever felt before. It’s so important for young people to understand it’s not just older people. Cancer isn’t picky – it doesn’t care how old you are or what life you’ve had before it turns up. It’s here and you need to deal with it. Take the support and keep going!”

If you would like donate to Terina, you can do so via givealittle.co.nz. Māori Cancer Kaiarahi Service is part of Southland’s Nga Kete Matauranga Pounamu Charitable Trust. For more info, call 0800 925 242 or visit nkmp.maori.nz.