'I sort of do', say couples

Cartoon / Peter Bromhead

Couples tying the knot are ditching "till death do us part" in their wedding vows, instead choosing more cautious phrases to leave their options open.

Marriage celebrants are reporting a decline in traditional vows, and an increase in promises of love "for as long as our love endures".

Some couples are avoiding making promises altogether, to cover themselves if they do one day split up.

Auckland celebrant Peta Hardley said said many couples chose not to pledge forever because they were realistic about marriage and love. She had regularly heard couples say vows which avoided using any words that promised a lifetime of love, but implied they wanted to be with that person.

One couple she wed said true love was about navigating changes and committing to "the miracle of making each day work - together".

Tauranga-based celebrant Christine Grant said she had married couples who refused to make any promises, instead saying they would "care for" each other.

"Many couples don't want to promise forever because they are being realistic about things," she said. "Maybe they've seen their friends or families split up and they don't want to promise something they may not keep."

The best example of a "modern" wedding vow she had heard was a couple who said: "May our love be modern enough to survive the times, old-fashioned enough to last forever, and may our only ups and down be in the bedroom."

Australian couples have already taken to the trend, opting to write similar get-out clauses into their vows.

The Sydney Morning Herald reported one couple who said: "I will love you today, I will love you tomorrow and if our love should falter or fail, I will respect you for the period that you were in my life."

Another couple made a "three- to five-year agreement, plus options".

Even Hollywood actress Julia Roberts was reported to say she would "love, support, but not obey" her second husband, Daniel Moder.

"Saying 'till death do us part' is really uncommon these days," said Hardley.

"People writing their own vows is a big thing and people like to inject a little humour into it. I even had one couple who read their vows like Dr Seuss."

Hardley said she would often send couples a list of pre-written vows, which they tended to copy and paste and add their own sentiments to.

"People like to make up new traditions. Less than a tenth use what I call the traditional vows.

"But despite some being quite humorous they're always very heartfelt they're not making a mockery of it."

Celebrant Constance Brown said she still saw couples who liked to keep their vows traditional, but agreed people liked to add some humour.

"People don't blindly follow the trends anymore but most still like to say, 'to have and to hold, for richer for poorer', but some do avoid saying, 'for as long as we both shall live'," she said.

The Marriage Act stipulates that two people getting married must, "before two witnesses, say 'I (name), take you (name), to be my legal wife/husband' or words to similar effect". Couples choosing a civil union must, under the Civil Union Act, state they are "freely joining" a civil union with each other.