Sophie intended her first photos to be a little more polished. Photo / Supplied
Sophie intended her first photos to be a little more polished. Photo / Supplied
I just woke up from a glorious 30-minute sleep – which of course felt amazing after going through 40 hours of labour – and smiled at my new beautiful baby girl.
As I was admiring her, I checked my phone for any important messages. I had a message from my husband's work colleague, "Congratulations, she is so beautiful," Sophie Manzl writes for Kidspot.
How did she know our baby was born? Actually, how did she even know what she looked like? She was only born a few hours ago.
"Did you send photos of our daughter to your workmates?" I asked my husband.
"I sent an email to the whole staff with a few photos, why's that?" my husband responded.
I don't know if it was because I was exhausted, but I was so furious.
Sophie can now look back on the photos and smile. Photo / Supplied
'I FELT COMPLETELY EXPOSED AND HUMILIATED'
I had a look through the photos he sent and I felt completely exposed and humiliated. The photos were taken as soon as our girl was born, I was still lying on the surgery bed and the surgeons were still stitching me back up.
I don't see myself as a self-conscious person and I don't normally care what people think but I felt as if something so private had just been shared with so many people.
I was beside myself. I mean, I never planned on doing one of those posts where I put a full face of makeup on and pose with my baby like it was the easiest thing in the world … but I didn't expect this.
"I sent it because I am so proud of you and our girl, and you both look stunning," he said, so why did I feel so upset and self-conscious? I mean of course I was already in an emotional state considering the circumstances.
While I was pregnant I was obsessed with looking at newborn baby photography and looking up the hashtag #birthannouncement. The photos were gorgeous. The mums were gorgeous. Everything looked perfect, nothing less than professionally stunning.
In that moment I was upset because I felt like I didn't look beautiful. It wasn't the birth announcement photo I wanted, planned and had thought about so much. I didn't get to pick out the perfect outfit and bonnet for my baby let alone even have a shower and wash my face.
Part of me was worried that people would think I looked like I didn't "handle" the birth well or that I didn't have that "afterbirth glow".
I was mad at my husband for taking this away from me and a little hurt that I didn't get to be the one to share the photos of our precious girl.
'BE PROUD OF THE RAW REALITY OF BIRTH'
But why the hell should any of that matter? Now when I think about how I was feeling, and when I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous. What was making me so self-conscious about that moment? I had become so obsessed with the perfect 'Instagram-worthy' photo announcements and stylised photos that I missed the whole point.
I was too concerned that people would start to question why I had a C-section and not a natural birth.
But you know what … absolutely none of that matters to me anymore. I had just laboured for over 40 hours … like the boss baby mama I am.
I had major surgery that saved my baby's life and my own. So why should it matter what I looked like in the photo?
Mums, no matter how you look after birth, be proud. Be proud of the life you have just created, be proud of the raw reality of birth. Don't gloss over it, or pretend that it is always glamorous because it sure as hell is not glamorous and you are an absolute superhero for birthing that baby.
So now I say to my husband, thank you. Thank you for seeing what truly mattered in that moment, for constantly telling me how beautiful I am and for being so proud of us no matter what.
You lifted me up and made me feel like a beautiful goddess, despite all of the blood, sweat, and tears.
All you saw was love. That moment was raw, it was real, and that photo I once saw as humiliating is now the most beautiful photo which I will treasure forever.
