Shaheen Larrieux cared for her parents through dementia and now advocates for awareness and prevention. Photo / 123RF
Shaheen Larrieux, 60, shares how losing both parents to dementia taught her life-changing lessons about health, resilience and hope.
“She was screaming like she was being attacked,” recalls Larrieux, a retired chemical engineer and consultant, describing the moment her mother, Hosna, broke down during a routine dentist appointment.
“I had driven my mum to the dentist and she just had a meltdown. That’s when I knew something was seriously wrong and I started to join up the dots — her forgetfulness, her erratic behaviour. It wasn’t just stress or ageing. This was the beginning of a long and devastating journey with my parents’ dementia.”
Her mother was in her 60s when Larrieux, then in her early 40s, started to notice she was behaving differently. Her mum had been an indispensable part of the family-run accountancy practice but had begun to forget basic processes she had handled for years. “She started asking the same questions repeatedly,” Larrieux explains. “I knew something was wrong.”
Initially, the GP dismissed Larrieux’s concerns, attributing her mother’s symptoms to stress. “It took persistence to get a referral to a specialist who finally diagnosed her with frontotemporal dementia in 2012,” she says.
This rare form of dementia, often occurring in people under 65, accounts for around 12 out of every 100 cases of young-onset dementia.
For those from minority ethnic backgrounds, the risks of developing a form of dementia are heightened: Black and South Asian people in the UK are more likely to be diagnosed at a younger age and die earlier from dementia. It’s not fully understood why this is, but certain cultural and social factors, as well as a higher risk of other health conditions like diabetes and stroke, may play a role.
“I didn’t know anything about dementia, but I had to learn quickly,” Larrieux admits. “Three years later, my father, Mohammad, was diagnosed with vascular dementia at 75, and then my life changed in every way possible.”
By the time Larrieux, who is unmarried and child-free, reached her late 40s, she had given up her role as a senior management consultant and, instead of globe-trotting between high-powered business meetings, she found herself at home in London, caring fulltime for her parents.
“It was like being dropped in the middle of an ocean with no life raft,” she says.
Born into a Bangladeshi family, Larrieux reflects on how cultural attitudes shaped her family’s response to her parents’ illnesses.
“In my culture, there isn’t even a word for dementia,” she says. “Behavioural changes are often seen as spiritual madness or bad luck.”
This stigma complicated her caregiving journey, but she was determined to break the silence. “I had to educate myself and my extended family about what dementia really is: a condition caused by a physical brain disease, not a character flaw or punishment.”
As their carer, Larrieux worked on improving the general health of her parents as she knew physical and brain health were linked. She took over the cooking and began modifying traditional Bangladeshi meals. “Our cuisine is delicious but very carb-heavy,” she explains. “I started reducing the rice and bread, using less oil and salt, and adding more vegetables.”
Her efforts paid off. “Their blood sugar levels improved, and my mother’s GP even reduced her diabetes medication,” she says. “That experience taught me how crucial diet is — not just for managing existing health conditions but for overall brain health.”
Unlike her mother’s condition (which often has a genetic link), Larrieux’s father’s dementia was rooted in chronic health issues like high blood pressure and diabetes.
“By the time he started kidney dialysis, he was so physically weak,” Larrieux says. “[While in hospital] seeing the cumulative effects of poor health choices over decades was heartbreaking — people losing their vision, enduring amputations. It made me determined to prioritise my own health.”
Her father passed away in 2017, leaving Larrieux as the sole caregiver for her mother.
“Even though my dad wasn’t able to do much physically, just having him there was a comfort,” she says. “When he died, the loneliness became unbearable.”
By 2022, her mother’s dementia had progressed to the point where her mum could no longer walk or feed herself. She passed away at home, surrounded by the care team Larrieux had painstakingly built and trained.
“I’m grateful she died peacefully and with dignity,” Larrieux says. “But the grief is still raw.”
Larrieux’s story is not unique. Dementia affects over 55 million people worldwide with over a million suffering in the UK, but the good news is that research suggests almost 45 per cent of cases could be prevented or delayed by addressing key risk factors like diet, exercise, and mental stimulation.
After her parents’ deaths, Larrieux turned her focus to her own health. “Having witnessed the devastating effects of dementia firsthand, I’m doing everything within my control to reduce my own risk,” she says.
Larrieux monitors her cholesterol, blood sugar, and blood pressure regularly. “Knowing your numbers is empowering,” she says. “It helps you make informed choices.”
She has swapped carb-heavy breakfasts for high-protein options like Greek yogurt and berries.
“I’ve cut down on sugar and processed foods and make a conscious effort to eat more vegetables and lean protein.”
Larrieux has embraced strength training and daily walks. “Building a strong body is essential, especially as we age,” she says. “It’s about preventing falls and staying independent.”
Furthermore, after developing cataracts, Larrieux underwent corrective surgery.
“Maintaining your vision is crucial,” she says. “Hearing and vision loss can increase your dementia risk if they are not addressed.”
She also highlights new research that shows that loneliness can impact your chances of getting dementia.
“I have made connecting regularly with friends a key part of my life. I have just had my 60th birthday and I travelled to see old friends in Bangkok and then Bali,” she says. “I was a carer for nearly 15 years and that was a huge responsibility as I was on call 24/7. I want to enjoy my freedom now.”
According to Alzheimer’s Research UK, women are disproportionately affected by dementia — both as patients and caregivers.
“No one explicitly asked me to take on this role,” she says. “But as a daughter, it felt inevitable. Many women face the same unspoken expectation.”
Her message to other caregivers is simple: “Ask for help. Build a support network. And don’t forget to care for yourself, too.”
Now retired, Larrieux spends her time advocating for dementia awareness as an Ambassador for Alzheimer’s Research UK. She gives talks, participates in media campaigns, and works to dispel misconceptions about dementia as well as embracing a newfound determination to enjoy life.
“Life is for living. I’ve been through so much, but I’m determined to make the most of every moment. I’ve learned that health is a lifelong investment,” she adds. “It’s never too early — or too late — to start protecting your brain.”
For more information, visit Alzheimers New Zealand: alzheimers.org.nz
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