Researchers found Barbie's back would be too weak to support her upper body. Photo / 123rf
Researchers found Barbie's back would be too weak to support her upper body. Photo / 123rf
Teenagers these days worry about how to measure up in a world where their social currency is measured by likes and followers. In this extract from their new book, The Kids Will Be Alright, parenting expert Robyn Fausett and daughter Molly, 24, talk about how to raise body-confident teens.
You may well be asking how on earth you can raise a self-confident, body-confident teen today, given the unrealistic representations shown in the media, particularly in advertising, along with the pressures of the culture of social media and the moving target of the latest "perfect body".
Well, it isn't easy - but it is possible to open your teen's eyes so they can consciously analyse the constant barrage they're receiving rather than just be unconsciously affected by the subliminal messages. Being able to analyse the information they receive may, in turn, encourage them to be critical of the cause and effects of certain narratives around body image. It will also allow them to see the positives alongside any negatives - to be able to brush off unrealistic aspects and enjoy the rest. This will then give them some context to review their behaviour and that of their peers.
Although sometimes you will hear the terms used interchangeably, self-esteem and body image are different things. They are nonetheless interconnected, and they influence each other.
Self-esteem accounts for the way we see ourselves as a whole person, including our values. Research across various age groups consistently demonstrates that higher self-esteem is linked to a more positive body image.
It's likely that if you can help your teen build their self-esteem, any body image issues will also be positively impacted.
Body image is specifically centred on how a person feels and reacts to their physical body, and it involves emotions, attitudes and beliefs. The teenage years are a time when many have a growing, natural and healthy curiosity about their own and other people's bodies.
Unfortunately, this could also mean that they start to compare themselves with those around them, in real life and in the media. Many are also preoccupied with wanting to "fit in" and so are highly sensitive to real or perceived judgments from peers. Some may develop a highly critical inner voice, and, boy, does that inner voice get loud at times. It can be a confusing and stressful time and, consequently, teens can be hard hit by a dip in their self-esteem, and that in turn can potentially lead to them having a more negative body image.
Research in New Zealand and overseas bears out how strongly young people feel about body image. In one study, nearly half (46 per cent) of 12– to 24-year-olds named "body image" as a major concern, topped only by "succeeding in studies and getting good grades" (49 per cent).
Another found that three-quarters of New Zealand female teens wanted to be thinner.
In other research, more than two-thirds of boys reported changing their diet, and two-fifths reported exercising more, to boost the appearance of their muscles.
And UK research found that 36 per cent of young women and 24 per cent of young men sometimes avoided taking part in certain activities such as sports because they worried about the way they looked. Body image is very much in the mind. If your teen has issues around body image, then no matter how many times they look at their body in the mirror, their mental picture of that body will not match its true shape and size. Those with a negative body image can struggle to accept their body, find clothes to fit, or feel attractive.
Model Cindy Crawford. Photo / Getty Images
Moreover, body image issues are far from static: different people experience them in different ways, and a person may feel differently from one day to the next depending on their current mood and environment.
A positive body image has broader additional benefits. The ultimate aim is that your teen accepts themselves and is comfortable in their own skin. This in turn means they are able to "be themselves" in every way.
It is useful to encourage your teen to think of their body image as part of their relationship with themselves. As with any relationship, to stay healthy it needs to be looked after, cherished and nourished.
And there will be ups and downs. If your teen were to stop paying attention to their body, and neglect to put any energy into this relationship, they might notice their mood start to decline. Another way to harm this relationship is if they constantly try to reshape their body or push it beyond its comfortable limits. Fads including "thinspiration" and "fitspiration" are affecting teens' ideas of what constitutes the "perfect body".
This is particularly problematic at a time when teenage bodies have not yet finished forming. It's about helping your teen to understand that everybody's body is a little different and that what they see in a person doesn't necessarily depict health, ability or beauty. And it isn't even necessarily what other people see: while they may despise their natural hair colour, most other people might covet it. In addition, everyone has their own psychological makeup: body image issues can be tied to mental health pressures, such as anxiety, feelings of a lack of control and depression.
At the same time, since a person's perception of their body image is ever-changing and adaptable, any unhelpful patterns can be addressed.
• the "perfect body" • understanding body diversity • the influence of traditional media, including advertising, image manipulation and representation • the impact of social media, including the use of filters, peer attitudes and judgements • the role of whānau/family
This can help them develop a sense of body wonderment, which embraces the idea that their body is an "instrument, not an ornament".
They can then begin to challenge unhelpful language and practise body neutrality.
Model Kate Moss. Photo / Getty Images
The "perfect body"
Western ideals of the perceived perfect body have altered through the centuries and also the decades (remember 80s hair? - dig out that family photo album). This "perfect body" is therefore constantly changing. It might also be interesting to look at beauty ideals across different cultures and across the world, all of which can help your teen see how different body types, shapes and looks have dipped in and out of fashion over time. For example:
• Nineteenth-century men wanted to be as large as possible - this body shape was a status symbol because if you could afford to purchase excess food, you were obviously wealthier. There were even several exclusive clubs that men could join if they were over a certain weight, the implication being that they were therefore prestigious.
During the 1920s, when there was a degree of female emancipation following World War I, the sought-after look for women was slender and boyish because, as actor and writer Amber Petty puts it, "they were gaining a taste of men's power".
• Suntans first became popular in the 20th century. Popularised by Chanel, they were considered ultra-chic in the 1930s, when only the wealthy could afford to travel to sunny foreign locations. In previous centuries, pale skin was sought after; if you had a tan, it implied you were a manual labourer.
• A curvy figure was popular and sought after when Marilyn Monroe was trending in the 1950−60s.
American actress Marilyn Monroe. Photo / Getty Images
• Muscles were "in" during the 80s with the rise in popularity of actors such as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Supermodels such as Cindy Crawford also popularised athletic forms.
• In a reaction to this, in the 90s, the waif figure was all over every catwalk.
• Currently the "fitspiration" is deemed the latest body to have, along with the Kardashian "full booty" figure.
Kim Kardashian. Photo / Getty Images
It's worth pointing out that it isn't physically possible to be all these things. A body shape that is currently in vogue may well be out of favour in a few years' time. It's therefore better for your teen to learn to feel comfortable in their own body shape and find a look that suits them.
There are also geographical variations in the cultural ideals of mana, prestige or attractiveness. For example:
• Using henna to temporarily mark the skin in patterns symbolises various celebrations. This originated in Pakistan, India, Africa and the Middle East, but is increasingly practised worldwide.
• While tattoos are globally popular, they also serve in traditional rites of passage, as in the Samoan pe'a (for men) and malu (for women). To wear tā moko (a tattoo) on your face is a great honour in Māori culture.
• Stretched earlobes and a shaved head are considered a sign of important transitional moments and also a mark of bravery for men and women in Kenya and other parts of Africa.
• An elongated neck is a mark of beauty and cultural identity among the women of the Kayan people of Myanmar and Thailand. From a young age, they wear rings around the neck to extend it, adding ever more rings over the years.
A Kayan tribe woman in Myanmar. Photo / Getty Images
Something to broach with your teen is how our subconscious can be impacted in relation to our sense of self. Even as a child, we are receiving subliminal messages about what bodies "should" and "could" look like. Superhero toys are a fascinating example: take a look (via Google) at how the evolution of the Batman toy from the 1970s to the present day illustrates the changing shape of the "idealised" male body.
Authors Molly and Robyn Fausett. Photo / Supplied
Another example is the Barbie doll: researchers who generated a computer model of a woman with Barbie-doll proportions found that her body would be too narrow to contain more than half a liver and a few centimetres of the bowel, and her back would be too weak to support the weight of her upper body, forcing her to walk on all fours.
A real woman built that way would suffer from chronic diarrhoea and eventually die from malnutrition.
Another way that people are starting to think about bodies is by not thinking about them (in regards to appearance, anyway). This is known as body neutrality. Instead of focusing on how your body appears, body neutrality puts a spotlight on all the things your body can do or allows you to be able to do.
For example: "Your body gives you the ability to hold hands or hug someone you love. Your body gets you from point A to point B." Thanks to your body, you can touch, move, experience, push limits, express yourself and so much more.
Here's an exercise you can do with your teen to help explain body image.
Imagine you had a fantastic day at school. There was no drama with your friends and you got an excellent grade on a paper. When you look in the mirror, your reaction is, "I look great!"
You take a picture of the reflection.
Now imagine you had a horrible day at school. You had a big fight with your friend and failed an assignment. When you look in the mirror, your response is, "I look awful!" Again, you take a picture of the reflection.
Here's the thing - for anyone else looking at these two pictures, you look practically the same. You just felt different.
Body image is influenced by feelings. It's all about self-perception; you don't have to believe everything you feel.
The Kids Will Be All Right: A guide to raising teens in a complex world.
Extracted from, The Kids will be Alright: A guide to raising teens in a complex world By Robyn Fausett and Molly Fausett Published by Allen & Unwin NZ RRP $39.99 Out July 26
Robyn Fausett is the CEO of Nest Consulting, which runs education programmes in Kiwi schools, while Molly assists in the development of the company's youth programmes.
