Unless you live under a rock you've heard of Facebook; in fact you probably use it. You undoubtedly know about Instagram. It's likely you've heard of Snapchat. How about WhatsApp? Or Tumblr? Hinge mean anything? Or Secret?
No prizes for guessing they are all social networking apps. And though you may know only half of them, chances are your kids know them all. If the kids are in their teens, or even tweens, your experience of some of the apps may be limited to watching your "little one" tap the keys during dinner or in the car.
Young people's use of technology is a growing parental concern as new apps open up fresh lines of online communication. And parents are increasingly cut out of the loop.
"If bullying was the topic everyone was discussing five years ago, the new topic is technology," says David Atkinson, a presenter at The Parenting Place.
"The two biggest concerns parents come back to time after time are kids spending too much time online and access to inappropriate content. I'm hearing that over and over again."
The Parenting Place has teamed with NetSafe and Vodafone to create a new parenting hub with advice, tools and services to help Kiwi families navigate today's digital world.
Atkinson, who delivers presentations to parents, on cyber safety, says lack of information is one of the main drivers of fear for parents who would often rather their kids were outside climbing trees. But lesson number one, he says, is don't be afraid.
Atkinson says parents usually come from a starting point of technology being a negative influence. There are fears of unlimited access to inappropriate content or unsavoury people. Then there's cyber bullying and the possibility of intimate images being sent that could one day surface publicly. There's the digital footprint that could even have employment implications in the future. And, of course, the desire for kids to get outside and play like Mum and Dad used to.
"But if you look at it statistically, this generation of teenagers is the healthiest we've seen in 40 years," says Atkinson.
"It's interesting that the surveys around how young people are doing show across most fronts they are drinking less, participating in less dangerous activities like driving and they feel more connected to their school and families. From a statistical perspective, it's hard to argue that technology is damaging young people."
Try telling that to a parent who has not seen their son or daughter since they walked in the door after school on Friday.
Atkinson says the first thing he asks parents who are worried about technological overload is what the rest of their child's life is like.
"Are they playing sport, are they doing well at school, spending time with friends, how are their moods and emotions towards you, are they doing their chores?
"In most cases I've found parents will say they are absolutely fine. So what is the basis of their concern, apart from that it wasn't what their childhood was like?"
But parents should trust their intuition if they are worried.
Atkinson says: "You might not know everything about technology but you know people better than kids do and you know your kids better than anyone else does. You'll pick up on different signs, change to moods and emotions, how their schooling is going."
Once you accept that the digital world isn't evil incarnate, school yourself. Kids Coach Jennifer Pollard says navigating technology is difficult for parents because their children tend to be much savvier than they are. Her kids have stumbled across situations online that she had not considered a possibility, such as inappropriate in-app messaging.
"They can quickly move from the Angry Birds game to being in Clash of Clans where there is a chat feed and there could be any number of people they may or may not know.
"For me, that's a concern. We need to be educating ourselves to know what our kids are doing."
She found her son was sharing personal information, such as where he lives and goes to school.
"You get a sense of familiarity online. You do have that relationship and think you know them but that's obviously not the case."
She says parents should talk to their kids so they are aware of what they are doing and make them aware of the potential risks. "It's not in a way that's going to scare them because it will be an ongoing feature of their lives.
"But even teenagers don't necessarily have the maturity and awareness to always conduct themselves appropriately and make smart decisions. It's something we need to learn to manage well and empower children to use technology in a safe and appropriate way."
Once you get an understanding of what your kids are up to online, embrace it. About 50 per cent of children's communication is online, says Atkinson, so it's a "no-brainer that parents should be there as well".
So get online and sign up for Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or whatever it is.
"I often hear when parents jump on platforms they start to experience the type of communication they've been wanting for years but haven't been in the right place for it."
That also puts you in the position to share the management of online use.
"Put your phone away at dinner so you're modelling the behaviour you want your kids to have as well," Atkinson says.
Compare your teenage years to your kids' and one of the biggest differences you'll notice is how public everything is these days.
You might have been able to get away with a suspect hairstyle and some dodgy dance moves without anyone noticing, but now pictures and video recordings of kids are available online for years to come; the digital footprint. Something that might be merely embarrassing at 17 could be career-destroying - and easy to find - at 35.
"It can come back to haunt you and impact your reputation," says Pollard. "It can be a consideration for employers because the employee's reputation affects their reputation. But when you're 14 you feel a very long way away from being an adult making decisions about a job."
Again, some parents need to lead the way in managing this, Atkinson says. They're the ones who get the footprint started with in utero scans posted to Facebook, then baby photos, toddler pictures, school photos.
"Young people struggle to be able to imagine the future and regulate their behaviour based on that. The risk assessment skills they have are limited. A lot of young people struggle to learn that lesson."
Web's not for kids - mum
Cheryl Jenkins experienced first-hand the pain of cyber bullying.
Videos of her 9-year-old daughter, Anna, and 11-year-old son, Daniel, were uploaded to YouTube so family overseas could see how the kids were getting on.
But a group of boys from Daniel's school started abusing him online, with crude comments attached to the video.
Cheryl Jenkins with her children Daniel and Anna at home on the North Shore. Photo / David Rowland
It started with homophobic slurs but progressed when one of the group hacked into his online learning Mathletics account.
"Daniel didn't get upset about it for himself but they made comments on my daughter's clips of her gymnastics and he got upset because he thought 'that's not just about me, it's about Anna, that's not cool'," Jenkins says.
The boys had logged in as themselves so they were soon hauled in front of the school principal and a local Browns Bay police officer came into the school to talk about cyber bullying.
Jenkins and Daniel used some of Kids Coach Jennifer Pollard's techniques to concentrate on the things about the situation he could control - such as his reaction - and to realise that the bullying said more about the bullies than about him. The boys apologised and Daniel now plays in a basketball team with one of them.
Jenkins now keeps a close watch on what her children are doing in the digital world. They have laptops for school but their internet access is limited and access to sites such as YouTube and chat groups is blocked. Their mobile phones are for texts and calls but don't have access to web browsing.
Jenkins says most of her children's friends seem to have Facebook accounts or Skype logins. She is prepared to "open discussions" on that with her children when they are older.
The biggest fears for many are cyber bullying and approaches from strangers.
Many people, from Jennifer Lawrence to Amber Rose, have been victims of nude photos leaked online - and illustrated how hard it is to have things taken down once they are out in the world.
Researchers revealed this month they have developed software that could allow Google and other service providers to remove someone's personal information from the internet. But it relies on a court ruling for European citizens that upheld the "right to be forgotten" and that does not apply here.
In New Zealand, the Harmful Digital Communications Bill was passed last month. NetSafe chief technology officer Sean Lyons says it will give individuals more ability to take action.
"We know the real harm that goes on between individuals is the things they say and the persistence and the inability to take it down. This gives the ability for an individual to say I am harmed by that content and it needs to come down."
However, he and Atkinson believe in less severe cases of cyber bullying, parents can do their kids a favour by helping them deal with it for themselves.
Atkinson says: "Every parent wants to protect their kids and so they should. But one thing that's incredibly valuable to a young person is having the experience when they realise they can solve their own problems, too."
And if it hasn't happened, don't let that stop you talking about it. Conversations about the possibility of sexting or posting explicit content online should become part of discussions about puberty and relationships.
"One way to do that is to paint the 'what if' scenario," says Atkinson.
"Get them to imagine the scenario before they are in it, and solutions to get out of it. If you're pressured to send a sexually explicit image, what would that be like, what could you say, what are your options?
"Kids are capable of making really good decisions but research has shown that when you add peer pressure their ability is severely compromised."
There is no shortage of tools to help. You can use an app to restrict phone use, block website access, dictate the time your kids use the internet and for how long. Some apps even allow you to monitor every message they send and let you follow them on a digital map, using the GPS function on their phones.
But the message from the experts is clear - if you rely on these tools, you are setting yourself up to fail.
"When I talk to parents, generally the first question is 'what's the best filter I can use to keep my kids safe?'," says Lyons.
"The truth is that filtering will prevent accidental access but if they are determined to get hold of something they will get around that and will do it in a way you won't know."
Lyons says the best defence is to build trust with your kids. If kids feel they're being monitored rather than supported you reduce the chance they will start talking to you when they need help.
"If you experience problems with your 14-year-old online and it's the first time you have ever talked to them about how to keep themselves safe online, it's only ever going to come across like any conversation with a 14-year-old - antagonistic," says Lyons.
"If you start when they're 6, and show a genuine long-term interest, that's the key."
Atkinson says parents should be involved in limiting their kids' technology use at a young age, applying parental controls and dictating which sites they can access, how long they are on the internet for and when. As they get older, the controls can become more flexible.
"As you relax the rules, you talk about the filtering that's going on in their heads. What is guiding their decision-making, as a family what are your expectations for the way they talk to people, consume information and the way they treat other people? Have those conversations so when they are outside your protection they have some filtering."
Technology may be ever-changing but the rules of good parenting - and communicating with your kids - stay the same, says Atkinson.
"If your assumption is that it has no benefit to their lives, you're limiting your ability to enter into what is a huge part of most young people's world."
Become a digital parent
•Talk to your kids. Keep the channels of communication open. Discuss online safety, privacy, relationships and sharing. •Set some rules. Set age-appropriate guidelines and rules together. With greater freedom comes greater responsibility - involve them in the process. •Listen. Show a genuine interest in their world - on and offline. Know where your child spends their time. Keep an eye out for red flags. •Teach. Make sure they know how to keep themselves safe. How to set privacy settings etc. •Be an ally. Make sure they know that they can come to you if they make a mistake or encounter a problem and that you will help them figure it out.
