If we manage, with luck, daring and a little criminal activity, to get a house these days, we're supposed to be so grateful that we don't mention the lack of garden. There's no indoor-outdoor flow because there's no outdoors to flow to; there's some indoor-footpath flow but it's not the same - and people keep nicking your sun lounger. Don't let high-density housing crimp your dream to own a lifestyle block. Here are five ways you can run a smallholding from your small holding.
Raise animals
Think small. Smaller. No, smaller. Have you considered the benefits of farming your own gut bacteria? Contained beautifully in a purpose-built facility, these cute little animals handle their own herding and effluent. Indulge in the fascinating pastime of selective breeding, using kimchi and sauerkraut; you might want to open a window if you're expecting guests but it's worth it to one day breed your own distinct strain of biota which you can name after yourself. You can even export your animals by registering yourself as a fecal transplant donor.
Raise crops
Anyone who ever idly googled hydroponics knows what can be achieved with a cupboard, some grow lights and a loose regard for the law, but there are many ways to cultivate plants in an apartment. Disable the bathroom fan to see a proliferation of interesting microflora. Leave the dregs of a cup of tea to cool, then leave it some more, until it becomes more than just a liquid: a friend. Your carpet can be a bed for mushrooms - simply add water and keep it warm. You'll be sharing the love with the downstairs neighbour, whose mysterious ceiling crop circles will be a talking point, especially with the body corporate.
