Christmas can be a stressful time of year, particularly when extended family are involved — here's how to cope. Photo / Getty Images
Christmas can be a stressful time of year, particularly when extended family are involved — here's how to cope. Photo / Getty Images
Reuniting as a family for Christmas is something many of us look forward to each year, but we know it’s not always all cheesy Christmas songs and cheer — family gatherings can also set the stage for dramatic arguments.
On dessert duty and wondering how to keep your Christmas pud-hating in-laws happy? Worried that the tension between family members could escalate on the day or that one of the aunties will down one too many Christmas cocktails before dinner?
Whether your extended family are small or large, on your side or the in-laws’, chances are you’re already feeling a wee bit stressed.
To help prevent your Christmas Day from turning into an episode of reality TV, relationship therapist Perry King has shared a few tips.
Here's how to reduce stress before Christmas so things don't escalate on the day. Photo / 123rf
If Christmas is at yours this year, planning ahead is a no-brainer.
King advises making a timeline for your day, adding what time you plan to cook the main meal, when people are planning to arrive, and what activities are planned.
“This not only keeps you organised and focused but also minimises last-minute chaos, reducing stress and anxiety,” she tells the Herald, adding that it’s best not to leave shopping — whether for groceries or gifts — too late.
As for the day itself, take some of the pressure off yourself by delegating tasks to family members or friends.
“When everyone pitches in, it not only makes things more efficient but also eases the pressure on you, transforming the day into a shared experience where everyone feels included,” she says.
Whether you’re a three-course-Christmas-dinner type of family or prefer a barbecue in the backyard, simplifying your menu can help minimise stress on the day. And make sure you’ve got a wet-weather plan — even if warm weather is forecast, it pays to be prepared.
“Accept that not everything will go perfectly, and that’s okay.”
What not to talk about over Christmas dinner
We all know not to bring up money or politics if we want to avoid arguments — and it’s no different at Christmastime.
King advises against interrogating your relatives about their health issues, appearance or personal relationships, particularly if you haven’t seen them for a while.
“Additionally, consider sensitive areas like engagements and pregnancies, as these topics might make some family members uncomfortable, especially those who are single or facing societal pressures. People often complain about unwanted questions related to marriage and pregnancy, and it can be insensitive to tease someone in this manner,” she adds.
And if you haven’t been active in the family group chat this year, you might want to do yourself a favour by undertaking what she calls a “family update”. Have a quick stalk of their social media profiles to see what they’ve been up to and avoid getting yourself into hot water with well-meaning questions about their job or relationship status.
When it comes to family, while you might share genetics, you probably all have different opinions and ideas, and King notes it’s important to respect that.
“Embrace diversity within the family and appreciate each member’s uniqueness. Be mindful of personal boundaries and understand individual comfort levels, promoting an environment of mutual respect.”
The introverts among you might need time out, particularly if your family Christmas involves spending several days together — so make sure everyone knows they can step away and rest, read or relax at any time during the festivities.
Gathering at Christmastime can lead to arguments between family members. Photo / 123rf
How to cope with financial stress at Christmas
Money is an uncomfortable topic at the best of times — and Christmastime tends to put even more pressure on our wallets.
If some family members are more well off than others or plan to splash out on expensive gifts or activities during the holidays, you might be left feeling awkward or even a bit anxious about your budget.
“Discussing gift expectations openly and agreeing on reasonable spending limits to accommodate everyone’s budget is a first great step,” King advises.
“If you want to provide financial support to family members facing challenges, ensure it is done in a non-intrusive and compassionate manner. For example, offering to help with groceries or contributing to shared expenses.”
Alternatively, you can suggest home-made gifts or a secret Santa so that no one misses out or goes overboard with gifting.
“Think about shifting the focus from material gifts to shared experiences by planning activities or outings that don’t require significant financial investment and that everyone can enjoy together.”
Chat to family members in advance to make sure you're all on the same page with gifting and budgeting. Photo / 123rf
How to have a sober Christmas
From champagne around the Christmas tree to chilly bins full of beers and boozy desserts, alcohol is a staple of Kiwi Christmases.
But those who struggle with drinking can find social gatherings particularly difficult at this time of year, especially if well-meaning relatives constantly offer to top up your glass.
Make sure you set boundaries for your own drinking — confide in a trusted family member to help keep you accountable. If you’re hosting, make sure there’s plenty of delicious non-alcoholic drinks on offer. Most summer cocktails can be transformed into non-alcoholic drinks such as a virgin mojito or pina colada.
“Remember that addiction is a complex and challenging issue, and professional help may be necessary,” King says.
Encourage family members struggling with their drinking to chat to a healthcare professional. You can also call the Alcohol Drug Helpline at 0800 787 797 or go to their website.
Include absent family in Christmas celebrations
If you have family living overseas or they’re unable to travel for Christmas, make sure you spend some quality (virtual) time with them, too.
King suggests opening presents or even eating Christmas dinner over Zoom or FaceTime together — and make sure you post gifts to family members in time. If you’ve missed the cut-off, you can recruit their friends or neighbours to shop on your behalf.
A shared playlist, virtual Christmas cards or online games together can help you feel close to those who couldn’t be there in person.
King suggests taking a moment during the meal to make a toast that includes those who are absent or family members you’ve lost this year.
“Finally, take a moment during the celebration to express gratitude for each family member, highlighting their unique qualities. As we express gratitude for each family member present, you can extend that warmth to those who are not with you.”
