Emily Martin has suffered from severe anxiety since she was six years old.
Emily Martin was just 6 when she was referred to a children’s mental health service, suffering from severe anxiety.
“I just felt nervous all the time,” she says. “But I didn’t know it was called anxiety, I don’t think I was aware what was going on in my brain.”
Emily, now 16, is speaking to Sonia Gray, on the NZ Herald podcast No Such Thing as Normal.
This week’s episode looks at the intersection between neurodiversity and poor mental health.
In recent years, Emily has been diagnosed with ADHD, dyscalculia and dyslexia. It’s given her a new understanding of how her brain works. But the feelings of anxiety and low self-worth are still there.
“I still sometimes have panic attacks. And they’re bad. It’s like a volcano is erupting … It just feels like the whole world is crashing down on me”.
The mental health statistics for those with conditions such as ADHD, autism and dyslexia are confronting, particularly for females. Nearly 75% of women with ADHD report living with anxiety and more than half with depression. Neurodivergent people are statistically more likely to be excluded from school, attempt suicide or have a substance abuse disorder.
In many cases, this is due to late diagnosis or misdiagnosis but podcast host Sonia Gray believes the problem is deeper than that. “I think there is a lot of internalised shame,” she says. “Even with a diagnosis, there’s still the expectation that everyone should be able to follow societal norms. And people try, they really try, we just don’t see the effort they’re putting in. And then they’re told to just try harder.”
Therapist and researcher Jane Kjersten says the issues start early. “If you have grown up failing over years and years, then you’re going to start feeling fearful … of what other people are thinking, what other children are thinking.
“Children with neuro differences are feeling shame from a very young age. They’re growing up feeling ‘less than’. And when you feel like you’re ‘less than’, and you’re not achieving … that’s where shame and trauma can come in.”
Kjersten works with dyslexic, gifted and ADHD clients who are working through trauma from childhood. The healing process usually involves going back to the original pain.
“You’ve got to feel to heal,” she says. “But that’s very, very hard when you’re someone who finds processing emotions difficult.
“Our people with ADHD, dyslexia, really do struggle to process their feelings … One guy in my research said he’d rather take a grater to his foot than feel that emotional pain again.”
With the support of her family, Emily Martin has worked through the crippling anxiety and low self-esteem that plagued her early childhood.
The Year 12 student says she’s excited about the future and plans to train to become a primary school teacher.
“There are definitely still days where I get overwhelmed. And I go back to ‘I’m the problem’ or ‘I need to fix something’.
“But overall, I think I’m there. It was hard work, but I got there.”
No Such Thing as Normal is a NZ Herald podcast, hosted by Sonia Gray, with new episodes available every Saturday.
Season One won Best History & Documentary Podcast at the 2024 NZ Radio and Podcast Awards, and was one of Apple Podcast’s Most Shared series in 2023.
The series was made with the support of NZ on Air.
You can listen to it on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
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