Jonty and Hendry became the best of friends. Photo / @the.wandertwins
Jonty and Hendry became the best of friends. Photo / @the.wandertwins
A few months after giving birth to her second child, a little boy named Jonty, Jonica Bray's family-of-four decided to make the most of her maternity leave and experience life in a foreign country.
After settling on Vanuatu, the family packed a few suitcases, found a long-term rental and jettedoff to experience island life.
Not long after arriving, they were introduced to a local woman named Joy-Lynn, who was employed as a sort of house manager. Her advice and experience quickly became invaluable to Jonica, as Joy-Lynn helped them with everything from where to find the best markets in town, to translating local words and customs.
One morning, however, Joy-Lynn arrived with a much more unusual request. Her cousin, she said, was looking for someone to adopt her baby. Joy-Lynn had decided that Jonica – already having one baby boy of her own – might be up to the task.
"At first I kind of didn't take her seriously," Jonica told news.com.au podcast I Swear I Never. "I mean – I already had a new baby. That was hectic enough!"
Despite her initial reaction, Jonica couldn't get this other little boy out of her head. So after some coaxing from Joy-Lynn, she agreed to travel to the small village where her cousin lived, and at least meet the child.
The sight that met Jonica when she arrived in the village could not have been further from what she expected.
"In Australia, I think we have the notion that giving up a child for adoption is always a kind of very sad, tragic thing," she said. "This wasn't the case in Vanuatu – all I saw were big, happy smiles, and when I finally laid eyes on Ruth, the woman who was looking to find a new home for her baby – she had the biggest smile of them all."
And another thing that took Jonica completely by surprise – she fell instantly and completely in love with the little baby, Hendry.
While Jonica's husband, Clint, was initially filled with trepidation about the adoption and all the red tape it might entail, he eventually came around to Jonica's way of thinking, and in October 2017, baby Hendry spent his first night with his new mum and dad.
"The first 48 hours were hell," Jonica said. "Nothing I could do would soothe him and he just cried and cried. I remember thinking, 'What have I done? This baby hates me, he doesn't want me, he wants his mum, this is awful.'"
But eventually, Hendry settled and went to sleep, and within a few days seemed to have adjusted fairly easily to his new way of life.
"He was seven months old," says Jonica, "which means once his basic needs were met, he was quite easily able to transfer his attachment.
"And I was adamant that his biological mum could be in his life as much as she wanted, so when we went back to Australia, we immediately bought her a ticket as well – something we have continued to do so that Hendry keeps his connection to his home country."
Once back in Australia with her now 1-year-old "twins" (the way she refers to sons Jonty and Hendry), it wasn't long until another curveball hit.
Jonica Bray and her family of four headed to Vanuatu while she was on maternity leave. Photo / @the.wandertwins
First, Covid struck, plunging the entire planet into a terrified holding pattern. And while Jonica's family was getting its head around what that all meant – a more personal tragedy struck.
"I got a call from the UK and my dad had died," she said.
Jonica's father had been suffering non-Covid-related pneumonia, but due to an overwhelmed hospital system, was sent home when he presented to Emergency. He died that night.
Among the waves of grief Jonica was experiencing over the death of her father and her inability to go home and say goodbye, another shockwave hit. Another close family member, who'd struggled with a number of issues in the lead-up to the pandemic, had finally found herself unable to cope with raising her newborn son. The courts had intervened, and when they'd asked if there was another family member able to take custody of the little boy, this family member had named Jonica.
Which is how, in the middle of the pandemic, Jonica and Clint once more found themselves facing the complex and frustrating world of international adoption.
"We had to appeal three times," Jonica said. "The UK courts wouldn't grant us custody until they knew I had permission to leave Australia to come and collect him, and the Australian government wouldn't grant me a visa unless I already had custody. It was a nightmare.
"Finally, we figured out a kind of loophole with an interim custody order that was enough to appease the requirements of the visa here."
With the orders in place, Jonica needed to travel to the UK to pick up her new son – who by this stage, was already a year old, and had only ever seen her via FaceTime.
She took Jonty and Hendry along with her, and was finally able to meet her son – Stanley – for the very first time in person.
"We FaceTimed every week for months, but as a baby there were limited ways we could connect, so we sang a lot of songs," Jonica said. "We always finished the phone call singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, and the very first time that I met Stanley in person, he looked up at me and he said, 'Row row!' It was so lovely. He only had a handful of words, but he knew me."
Now back home in Australia with all three of her sons, as well as her daughter Caja under one roof, Jonica is still a passionate advocate for fostering and adoption.
"It definitely frustrates me that people can't make up their families very easily in the way that they desire," she said. "With adoption, with IVF, with surrogacy – that it's governed so strictly that people can't really make their families up in the way that they want to, without asking permission and getting approvals.
"That annoys me because there are so many children in out-of-home care. And there aren't enough families offering. There are actually children in Australia right now that are living in motels, because there aren't enough families for them. It doesn't need to be like that, but it is not talked about."
