Grace Cormack: Why do kids cling to 'blankie'?

Most children become attached to a specific object before their first birthday. Photo / 123RF

Our daughter insists on carrying around an inflatable purple alien. Toddler-sized, it is light enough for her to carry, and possesses an almost child-like face.

Despite its many endearing features, we are resistant to this intergalactic toy becoming her new "cuddly". What will we do if it pops and deflates? Where will we find a duplicate? And do we need to buy it a T-shirt that says: "Abducted from a child's birthday party"?

While we don't mean to discriminate, we would prefer our daughter to form attachments with more Earth-like toys: a cartoon-like doll called Poppy and a long-eared Bunny. We put Poppy and Bunny into bed with her each night, and she drags them around with her during the day.

While not every child is enamoured with a purple alien, most children become attached to a specific object before their first birthday. These bedraggled "blankies" and tattered teddy bears are known in psychology as "transitional objects" or "attachment objects".
Children become attached to transitional objects for security upon learning that they are separate beings from their mothers. They drag these attachment toys around with them as they explore their world and become independent. The objects provide comfort from a child's anxieties, including the fear of sleeping alone.

The NZ Society of Paediatricians considers such attachment to transitional objects as healthy and normal development for pre-schoolers.

But how do parents care for toys that are dragged through muddy playgrounds, but refused entry to the laundry? And just what happens when the little critter is lost?

1. Allow the child to assume rights

Often parents will name the toy if their child cannot yet speak, but otherwise children may give their object a descriptive name, such as "Ted" or "Dolly", or refer to the object as something like "Mama". While your child is likely to talk to the object, they will remind you that their toy is "not real" if you are silly enough to engage with it in conversation.

Allow your child to assume all rights to play with their attachment toy as they like. Don't be alarmed if your little one appears to impersonate King Henry VIII, adoring the object of their affection moments before its decapitation. This loving and hating is a natural part of a child's development.

2. Avoid loss

We've all heard of separation anxiety, but sometimes it's most prevalent when your little one loses their attachment toy - and buying a duplicate doesn't always help. Very young children invest in their transitional objects intangible qualities that cannot be replicated, preferring their cherished blanket or favourite teddy over identical duplicates because they believe the original possesses a "life force". Texture and smell are important; a toddler is likely to know if Teddy has lost the fragrant aroma of the neighbour's dog.

It may pay to buy a duplicate early, so your toddler always has two of the same. Otherwise, you could consider cutting up the favourite blanket - with your child's approval - so that you have a spare.

3. Keep Clean

Keep the attachment object clean with regular washings. We tend to wash Poppy and Bunny on days that our little one stays at home, so she is less likely to need them for comfort and security. However, washing transitional objects may not be for everyone: some children do not accept changes to their smell or texture.

4. Too much time with Cuddly

If your child spends vast amounts of time engaging with their transitional object, give them something else to do. They will have less time to cling to Teddy if they are busy solving puzzles, playing with other toys, or helping you with household chores. Make sure you give your little one lots of hugs and reassurance so they don't rely on their transitional object as their only form of comfort.

While attachment to the objects of their affection is healthy and normal, you could ask your doctor if your child is always snuggling their object rather than engaging in other forms of play or interaction.

Parents should expect attachment to these objects to outlive their child's transition into adulthood. Many teddies are dragged through university halls and flats, looking as though the stuffing has been taken out of them.

No doubt Poppy and Bunny will be the objects of our daughter's affection for many years to come - unless they are abducted by the alien.