KEY POINTS:
Step off the plane and you immediately expect to be surrounded by men and women of incredible style. You are not.
In fact, with a few exceptions, everyone in Paris looks relatively normal. Not particularly unfashionable, but not outrageously well dressed either.
For a long time the French
have been graced with a reputation for their sartorial flair. Paris is known as one of the most important fashion capitals in the world, if not the most important. But lately that reputation has been under attack.
Just a few short fashion seasons ago, the ever-arrogant uber-designer, Tom Ford, the man credited with reviving Italian brand, Gucci, and making it a must-have label of the 90s, declared to a British newspaper he thought the French were some of the worst-dressed in the world.
"[The British] are incredibly attractive. It's one of the last places in the world, along with Italy, where people wear real fashion," ranted the chap, who'd clearly never been to Oamaru.
"In England, men can still be foppish. It's not like that in France. I think they're among the worst-dressed people in the world. French people refuse all that is new as a matter of principle," Ford continued.
And that's all beside what your average New Zealand visitor can see when they get to Paris. It might be over-inflated expectations. It might be because we come from a nation not known for its sartorial flair. But hey, doesn't everyone around here look, well, even a little boring?
So maybe the first thing to consider is where this mistaken impression comes from. Believe it or not, according to historian Joan DeJean, it all started in the 17th century with good old Louis XIV, the Sun King, who besides strengthening France's military power, culture and coffers, also loved a little luxury.
Examples of his desire for home-made goodies include a simple French-made kimono, his obsession with one particular shoemaker, the invention of the humble umbrella in 1709 because the King didn't like getting wet, the first fashion seasons as the court's wardrobes constantly changed, and the first fashion magazines to document these changes.
Louis XIV even sparked the first desire for designer goods, DeJean writes, with his emphasis on French-made. All of which started the French fashion industry off nicely.
There's no doubt, though, Paris is still the centre of a global fashion industry.
Each country has its own look. London is avant-garde and experimental although poor (which is why many of the best Brits eventually head for Paris), and the British citizenry tend toward a quirky fashion.
Milan is mostly sexy, glamorous and moneyed but not particularly fashion forward; the Italians like a lot of fur, gold and leather.
New York tends toward sportswear, preppy and casual looks and is not particularly radical. New Yorkers tend toward the minimal, urban look.
Meanwhile, the runway offerings in Paris are generally considered to be innovative and come with hefty financial backers. So, you may be wondering, why the hell these beautiful French women are wearing plain old pants or skirts and shirts - and not even a little bit of the extravagant fashion you see on Parisian catwalks?
It's hard to say, although the average office worker would be hard-pressed to drag her beaded satin ball gown, with feathered headdress, around on the metro.
Possibly the best explanation is that, unlike at New Zealand Fashion Week, where what you see is often what you get on the streets, there's a fair bit of difference between what you'd call typical French style and what's shown by French fashion houses.
The French are immensely proud of their culture - the food, the wine, the language - and are absolutely determined to maintain it. Which is where Ford's complaint about the French not being into anything new comes into play. Because fashion, simply by its nature, is all about the new - whereas French style is about seeking out your inner chic-ness.
There are certain hallmarks - see the How To guide that follows - but on the whole, the French on the street, unlike the British and even many New Zealanders, tend to ignore the extremes of fashion trends.
All of which equals - yes, you guessed it - classic with a twist. Sure, it looks good. But it's not necessarily the latest thing, clad in neon pink and smeared with green eye shadow.
So there you go - no more surprises when you get off the plane in Paris. And, no need to pack your non-European inferiority complex, either.