Former All Black Frank Bunce on age-gap love: ‘We’re still making it work’

Frank is enjoying a slower-paced life, while Jessica is embarking on a new career. Photo / Emily Chalk

The All Blacks legend and his wife Jessica share the special project that has strengthened their connection.

Jessica Worchel describes her husband Frank Bunce, arguably one of New Zealand’s most-loved All Blacks, as “the perfect Buddhist”.

The 62-year-old’s content with his life, happy to not be chasing a dream and enjoying a slower-paced life. On the other hand, his American bride of six years is 43 and embarking on a new career.

Yes, they believe that age is just a number. In good times, they feel like teenagers together, but in more challenging times, they can’t deny the reality of two decades’ difference in age.

“It’s always been interesting managing these trajectories that aren’t necessarily on the same path,” Worchel says. “When I’ve asked him, ‘Where do you see yourself in five to 10 years? What do you enjoy doing?’, he tends to not have a vision. I’d love to see him really get excited about something and put his energy into it.”

Supporting each other while raising their 4-year-old daughter Tillie weighs on Frank's and Jessica's minds. Photo / Emily Chalk

They met when Bunce was helping set up rugby programmes in Hawai’i schools by training coaches. They married three years later in Hawai’i and Jess moved to New Zealand 10 days later.

Six years on, what weighs heavy on their minds is the fine line between compromise and sacrifice, and how to support each other while raising their 4-year-old daughter Tillie.

Bunce is a humble man. He sees himself as someone who played rugby and now runs a tyre shop – Orizen Tyres in Thames. He is not ambitious by nature.

“I never really went out with a drive to become an All Black,” he says. “When I was young, I played because my friends were involved and it was the camaraderie. In those days, a rugby club was your community.

“I am happy, I didn’t come from a lot. I’ve travelled extensively and I love what I have and what I do. So I don’t have the passion that I need to have a drive to achieve,” the father of six and grandfather of seven tells Woman’s Day.

“I do want to slow down on some things. But I’m still open to opportunities that come my way.”

However, not striving for a new challenge doesn’t mean he has given up. “What will I be doing in 20 years’ time? I’m putting it out there – I’ll be disappointed if I don’t make 80.”

Frank has found his mojo through the connections he built while on Match Fit. Photo / Woman's Day

Which is why he readily agreed to return to Three’s Match Fit, the TV series that this year pits rugby union against rugby league. Veterans of the codes are challenged to get back into shape physically and mentally with the help of former rugby coach Sir Graham Henry and ex-league great Tawera Nikau. It’s a light-hearted approach to the serious subject of men’s physical and mental health.

Bunce appeared on the show four years ago, spurred on by wanting to get in shape for the youngest members of his family, and aware his father and namesake was 55 when he died from a heart attack. But the Pukekohe man admits he didn’t sustain those good habits. His sweet tooth combined with the loss of team training meant he’d put back on some of the weight.

“I can’t really run any more. I have dodgy knees and shoulders. I’m living with rugby injuries and more age-related stuff. You get up in the morning and something else is sore.”

But this time he has found his mojo through the connections he built while on Match Fit.

“The rugby league boys are driving monthly challenges and they’re always in communication,” he says. “The alarm goes off at 5am and you get messages every morning. You just want to be part of something.”

Worchel loves that he has carried on with a healthy regime, recognising that team players need a team to motivate them.

“Professional athletes, particularly men, really need that camaraderie, the connection and an external factor,” she says. “When Match Fit went away, so did that motivation. This time, he’s kept up with it. There’s an element of competition and accountability, which I think is so critical.”

She acknowledges that they’re mindful of his peers who have passed away.

Jessica feels like they’re leading full lives but on their own paths. Photo / Emily Chalk

“We really have to be a bit more intentional, because I don’t want to wake up and that be us. I really want Frank to be at Tillie’s 21st,” she shares.

“I feel like we’re leading full lives but on our own paths in some ways. I’m just ramping up and starting the next 20 years of my life. It’s been really hard becoming a mum so far away from my whānau and trying to build a career in Aotearoa while being the primary caregiver.”

Bunce, one of eight siblings, knows he hails from a generation that don’t tend to talk about their feelings, yet he’s quick to praise Jess.

“I’m very proud of everything Jess has done,” he beams. “The world’s her oyster and that’s wonderful. I’ll always be a rugby player. That was a huge time for me, but it has gone. It’s Jess’ time.”

Worchel began her PhD studies at AUT when Tillie was born and plans to complete her doctorate this year. She conducted a comparative study of Hawai’i and Aotearoa, looking at teacher-education programmes and non-indigenous educators in supporting indigenous resurgence.

It was hard for her to settle initially, but now she has a huge appreciation of living in New Zealand.

“The culture shock and integration process was hard,” she admits, “but this is a wonderful country. I feel blessed that my child gets to grow up here.”

Settling in was hard for Jessica at first, but now she has a huge appreciation of living in New Zealand. Photo / Emily Chalk

Looking back, Bunce says he underestimated the upheaval, and the emotional and psychological impact it had.

“Jess is very close to her friends and family,” he says. “She gave up everything and I don’t think I appreciated that at the beginning. I certainly do now.”

Worchel’s mother and one sister are in Florida, another’s in California, her third sister’s in Idaho and her father’s in New Mexico.

The Bunces embraced her, she says, a trait instilled by Frank’s mother Sifa when she was alive. She insisted all the extended members of blended families were made welcome for the children, even if the couple were no longer together.

As well as Tillie, Frank is co-parent to Josh,14, and Victoria,16, who primarily live with their mum in Cambridge, and to his adult children – Jordan, 30, who recently moved to Australia to play rugby and continue his building career, Samantha, 33, who recently started a building business with her husband, and high school teacher Chance, 37, who’s dad to 4-year-old twin sons and a baby daughter.

It’s a big family that can often mean time for Frank and Jess as a couple is overlooked, but something they want more of.

She explains: “What we do as a couple sometimes gets lost in n the bigness of the rest of life.”

Bunce adds: “The good thing is, we’re still here and we’re still making it work. We’ve gotten better at managing it.”

They’re looking into each other’s eyes as Worchel adds: “Frank walks into a room and you see people’s faces light up. I don’t know if you realise how powerful that is,” she tells him. “You bring so much joy to people. His character, his humbleness, the lack of ego, he really is a special person. I don’t feel like because he’s 62 and he had this great trajectory that it has to be over. People still need that Frank Bunce joy.”

Match Fit screens 7pm Wednesdays on Three and streams on ThreeNow.