Leanna Maskell is a former model turned ADHD and autism activist.
Leanna Maskell is a former model turned ADHD and autism activist.
Recognising masking behaviours is key to self-acceptance and creating supportive environments.
The neurodevelopmental conditions ADHD and autism have only been able to be diagnosed in the same person since 2013. As a result, millions may have struggled with one or both conditions they didn’t even know they hadbelieving they are simply ‘weak’ for being unable to meet neurotypical standards.
In the United Kingdom, 90% autistic people over age 50 are undiagnosed, and 75% of women with ADHD are said to be undiagnosed. Late diagnosis means we’ve often developed ‘creative adjustments’ throughout our lives to cope with the daily challenges being neurodivergent can come with, such as over-stimulating environments or emotional dysregulation.
These strategies may be a form of masking, a survival strategy to navigate a world that’s not designed for your brain. Often unconscious, masking involves suppressing natural behaviours, mimicking others, or performing socially acceptable versions of oneself to fit in. While it can help people get through daily life, it often comes at the cost of identity, mental health, and energy levels.
Many people with ADHD and/or autism don’t even realise they’re doing it until burnout hits or they finally begin to understand their neurodivergence — when they can finally ‘name it to tame it’.
Undiagnosed neurodiverse people often develop ‘creative adjustments’ throughout our lives to cope with the daily challenges the conditions come with. Photo / 123RF
Here are five common signs you might be unknowingly masking ADHD or autism:
1. You script conversations in advance - but don’t stick to them
The unpredictability that accompanies social interactions can be very stressful for AuDHD-ers to navigate, especially in unstructured situations such as meeting a friend for coffee or making a phone call. Autism may lead us to develop habits of pre-planning dialogue, fearing being misunderstood and seeking structure.
However, ADHD may forget or ignore these scripts, impulsively saying whatever comes to mind. Not only does this increase anxiety around relationships — it also means we blame ourselves for not being able to control the uncontrollable.
For many autistic people, eye contact can feel invasive and painful — or we may prefer to hold it for ‘unnatural’ periods of time. For those with ADHD, maintaining eye contact may be difficult due to distraction or hyperactivity. However, in Western cultures, we’re conditioned to associate eye contact with attentiveness, honesty, and politeness.
AuDHD-ers may mask their natural preferences by forcing themselves to maintain or break eye contact, directed by an internal commentary about what is ‘normal’. These unwritten rules can be very stressful to navigate, using significant energy when communicating with others.
3. You hide your passions and interests
Both autism and ADHD are linked to an interest-based nervous system, as opposed to what’s ‘important’, such as with neurotypical people. This means we may be able to talk for hours about our interests or do extraordinary things such as write books about them, but we may feel embarrassed about being ‘too much’.
We may believe our intense passions to be ‘weird’ or ‘annoying’, hiding these from the outside world. Holding ourselves back from sharing our interests authentically, or only considering how these are perceived by the outside world, may be a sign of masking — and constricting the activities that bring you joy.
Leanne Maskell is the founder and director of ADHD coaching company ADHD Works.
4. You consciously make rules but unconsciously break them
Neurodivergent people often create internal rulebooks to navigate the unpredictability of life — and ourselves. These can relate to the constructing ‘repetitive habits’ linked with autism, which makes the rules, and impulsivity of ADHD, which breaks them.
This can use huge amounts of energy as we try to recall and stick to our ‘rules’, often devised to force ourselves into predictability. These are often complex and energy-consuming, designed around areas of challenge such as maintaining routines, which ironically makes it harder.
Ultimately, this challenge in self-regulation results in being unable to trust ourselves — but it’s not your fault.
5. You crave connection but isolate yourself
Whereas ADHD seeks novelty and dopamine, autism can easily become overwhelmed by sensory overload and unpredictability. The contrasting desires for chaos and control mean that we may find it difficult to be around other people, making connections but not maintaining them.
In this way, we may be ‘introverted extroverts’, saying ‘yes’ when we really mean ‘no’. A common sign of masking includes unhealthy coping strategies such as drinking alcohol or smoking to feel comfortable socialising, resulting in exhaustion — until we simply stop trying.
All of these factors can create a sense of loneliness, a ‘double glazing’ effect where it feels as though nobody knows the ‘real’ you — including yourself. We might feel like chameleons, shape-shifting to meet the expectations of everybody around us, resulting in exhaustion and mental health conditions such as depression.
Recognising your own masking behaviours is the first step to unlearning them and starting the journey toward self-acceptance. When we understand our natural tendencies, we can create environments that work for us instead of constantly trying to fit in.
Being your full self doesn’t mean disregarding social norms altogether; it means letting go of the ones that cause harm and allowing yourself to enjoy your life, exactly as you are.
Leanne Maskell is the founder and director of ADHD coaching company ADHD Works, and the author of AuDHD: Blooming Differently, ADHD: An A-Z and ADHD Works at Work.
