Festival's poster boy tickled by the unexpected funny bits

Comedian Mark Scott

Mark Scott, Deconstructing Me

Why should we see your show?

I have an excellent poster. It took me nine years and much international touring to get one this good.

Tell us a joke in 25 words or less.

Modern comedians don't usually do "jokes" but rather "bits", which take more like 250 words, unless you have a bad memory and reduce them down to the first initial of each word. But then they lose much of the humour because initials aren't funny. Especially the knock-knock-knock jokes which wind up starting with KKK.

Are you funny in real life - or is it all an act?

I hate it when people say, "I'm really CRAZY! ". They think everyone will think they're cool if they're crazy. But you never get an actual crazy guy going "Hey everyone! Look at me - I'm crazy! Look I'm wearing a soup bowl for pants and now I'm going to crap in a bin!" It's even worse when people say "I'm really funny!" because they're not.

So in answer to the question, I don't have a real life.

What makes you laugh out loud?

Things that are unexpected. Like when [US basketball player] Dennis Rodman was celebrating on the end of his bungy cord after pulling off a daring stunt. It's all over, he's whooping it up, then suddenly he smashes into the side of a mountain and gets knocked out.

Tell us about the time you died on stage.

In 1876 when I was President Abraham Lincoln. But shouldn't you be interrogating the shooter?

What keeps you awake at night?

My cat and my girlfriend (generally, for different reasons - although I did once get a girl home who mewed until I let her out).

Without looking it up, give us a scientific explanation of laughter.

The convulsing spasm of heaven that children feel and that "anything for a dollar" grown-up businessmen avoid at all costs.

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

I am an animal. But it's not the one I'd choose. I'd be something less calculating and destructive, like maybe a virus. Viruses don't screw other viruses over for money. As far as I'm aware, they don't even have money and if they do, it's so small it's not really worth anything. I think viruses work more on the barter system. Like swapping a splitting headache for some mitochondria or maybe just a cell to live in. They have to be careful not to liquefy the organs though or they wind up homeless. I also like cows because they can live off grass. Very cool.

* Mark Scott, Deconstructing Me, Transmission Room, until Saturday, May 20, 10pm. Bookings: Ticketek (09) 307 5000.