Crippled by fear? The answer is to face it head on writes Dr Barton Goldsmith.
Logic would dictate that by facing something that frightens you, it makes you stronger and more self-reliant.
The truth is that embracing fears is a much more efficient and practical way of dealing with them. You don't have to climb Mt Everest or jump out of a perfectly good airplane to move through your anxieties.
Oftentimes, dealing appropriately with the stress and worry of daily life can increase your joy and success.
One of my friends is a successful physician who says that he is scared every day but welcomes fear because he truly believes it makes him a better doctor. He is more careful and doesn't take unnecessary chances with patients. Fear drives him to be his very best and makes him a better - and well-liked - practitioner.
I was once told that fear and faith are opposite sides of the same coin. I can see how a belief in a higher power can make you feel safer.
I also think that understanding why your fears exist and learning the lessons that they can teach you is also a very powerful tool.
For most of us there is a payoff to our fears. Yes, they can keep us physically safe, so we don't step off a cliff or try to pet a tiger, but there is often more to our fears than just keeping ourselves protected.
Fears can make us more introspective and help us to see exactly where we need to make adjustments so that we can create the strength we need to accomplish the task at hand.
Having the confidence to wrap your head around your fears and look at how they help or hurt you is a great exercise to not only overcome fears but to also use them to accomplish your goals.
If you want to be a leader, politician or television star, but you have panic attacks at the very thought of speaking to a roomful of people, attaining that goal will be quite difficult. However, if you realise your (apparent) weakness and do something about it and join a public speaking group, you will get more than the tools you need to succeed. As you build a skill to help you reach your vision, you will become more comfortable with yourself and your life in the process.
Admitting to yourself that you have a fear of speaking in public - often said to be our number one fear - allows you to drop any pretence you may have had and feel good about getting better at it.
I don't know anyone who has overcome or embraced fears and not grown from it. Whatever it is that scares the hell out of you should be tackled with the insight that, by hitting it head on, you will vanquish those inner demons.
Embracing your fears will help give you the strength you need to deal with the world.
Dr Barton Goldsmith is a marriage and family therapist in Westlake, California and the author of Emotional Fitness at Work.
- AAP
