Former All Black Frank met Jess in Hawaii five years ago. Photo / Tony Nyberg
Former All Black Frank met Jess in Hawaii five years ago. Photo / Tony Nyberg
The invitation to take part in reality TV show Match Fit was serendipity for Frank Bunce. The former All Black was lacking motivation and it was causing more than just health problems – it was also affecting his new marriage.
At 58, the father of six and grandfather of six was slowing down, preferring a quiet life on the couch over getting out with his new wife Jessica Worchel and their baby daughter Tillie. And that was starting to concern the energetic American, who had given up everything to be with him.
"We were at a crossroads," says Jess, who, at 39, is 19 years younger. "There was a bit of an ultimatum. I said, 'Look, dude, you've got a little kid. You have a young wife. You chose this. You can't sit back and go out to pasture. Well, you can, but I'm not going with you.' But this show has reinspired him, given him his energy back."
In Three's Match Fit, 10 All Black veterans from the '90s and 2000s are challenged to get back into shape physically – and mentally – with the help of former coach Sir Graham Henry and rugby great Buck Shelford.
Once revered sporting giants at peak fitness, their current condition proves sobering and the group quickly starts to open up about the struggles of life after being national heroes.
"I had let myself go," Frank confesses in an exclusive interview with Woman's Day at the Pukekohe home he shares with his new bride. "I have problems with my knees, one of them in particular. I can't walk for any great distance before it starts swelling up and getting sore. I couldn't run. But it was kind of an excuse when I look back on it now.
"I could barely get down on the floor with Tillie – getting up was even harder. I just wanted to sit on the couch. Now I'm feeling more agile. Everything is feeling easier. I just had to push myself through it. I lost weight, feel better and I've got more energy."
This epiphany has delighted Jess. She met Frank five years ago in Hawaii, where he was training rugby coaches. In that environment, work felt like a holiday and he wasn't stressed with running his business as a tyre-shop owner.
Referring to her fellow All Black WAGs, Jess tells, "As wives, we're always looking for ways to get it into their heads that they have to take care of themselves. When you're a professional athlete, your training regimen is scheduled.
"But when you're not on the team, you have to find the motivation – you get tired of your partner telling you to do it. I love that the show addresses real life with so much comedy and fun. Then you get these serious moments and you realise that is what this is about."
Frank, one of eight siblings, was spurred into signing up for the series by his father Frank Snr's premature death from a heart attack at the age of 55, the result of bad lifestyle choices.
The pair married in October 2018 and Jess moved to NZ the following month. Photo / Tony Nyberg
"He was there through my growing up and playing rugby, but he died before I made the All Blacks," tells Frank. "That was part of the reason for doing the show, and that a lot of the guys I played rugby with and against have died young because of lifestyle choices."
Frank was travelling to Hawaii frequently for the coaching role and formed a friendship with Jess that grew into something more over 18 months. He proposed on her second trip to New Zealand, while sitting at a quintessentially Kiwi pub in Puhoi. They married in October 2018 and Jess moved to Aotearoa the following month. They had Tillie last December.
Frank is the first to admit that he never expected to fall in love again, nor become a dad again. He now has six kids, including Josh, 11, and Victoria, 13, who live with their mum in Cambridge, and adult children Jordan, 26, Samantha, 29, who has four kids of her own, and Chance, 34, a dad to 9-month-old twin sons. "That show Modern Family – that's us!" Frank quips.
Jess was embraced by her new Kiwi whānau, something they credit to Frank's mum Sifa, aka Nan, who insisted all the extended members of blended families were made welcome.
Dating long-distance, Frank and Jess were not naïve. They knew it would be hard – one of them would always be away from home. And there was that age gap.
Frank never expected to become a father again. Photo / Tony Nyberg
"You can't help who you fall in love with," Frank says, revealing he was ready to emigrate and had secured a fiancé visa to move to Hawaii. But they didn't like the state of the US under Donald Trump's leadership, so Jess decided NZ was a better base.
"My family is close emotionally, but physically we aren't," Jess confides. "My mom and a sister are in Florida, I have a sister in California and a sister in Idaho, and my dad is in New Mexico. It's really important to me to be close to family, and he has four sisters and a brother right here in Auckland. And the kids are all near. So that was a big reason."
Frank always told Jess she deserved to be a mum, but she had reservations. "This generation of mothers think about the climate and the future," she explains. "I desperately wanted children – my heart wanted them – but my head thought it was a little bit scary out there to be raising kids. But Frank always said from the beginning, 'You need to be a mom.' He was open to it, even though he had his own kids already. He really encouraged me."
Frank chimes in while on nappy duty, "When you get to my age, you don't plan to have another child. But it is lovely. I love having kids around. I am not finding it hard at all. Getting up in the middle of the night to feed her and play with her – everything that goes with a baby, I enjoy it. It's the same with Tillie as my grandchildren. I love watching them go through each stage."
Jess remembers the day she realised she was meant to be with Frank. She was in Auckland on a work trip and Frank played tour guide. "He took me on this incredible day to the beach, to the Puhoi pub, to Mission Bay – and we just talked the entire day. It was easy to be in each other's company.
"It was easy and fun. He put in huge effort. He came to Hawaii 17 times in three years. He was really supportive of my work. I always felt uplifted around him. We have the same view of the world when we talk about what is going on with life. And he is pretty handsome too!"
For Frank, his interest was piqued earlier, when he met her in Hawaii. He admits, "When I first saw her, I thought she was beautiful. Then I got to know her and it got even better. She's interesting to talk to, caring and loving.
The couple are now parents to baby Tillie. Photo / Tony Nyberg
"I was telling Frano Botica [another ex-All Black] about her and how smart she was, and he said, 'She can't be that smart – she's going out with you!' But once I got to know her and found out about the deeper things about her, it cemented it for me. I still feel the same way, darling!"
Similar to the premise of Match Fit, they're at pains to ensure their life is portrayed warts and all. And this has been an incredibly challenging year for them both.
"Our story may sound lovely and romantic, but it's been hard," Jess tells. "The transition – moving to a new country, having a baby, marrying someone who is well known – it wasn't easy. We lived in Mangatangi [a rural Waikato town, pop. 400] for the first year and a half, which was quite isolated. It was a culture shock after a busy life in Hawaii.
"I'm an active person. I want to get up and explore. But now I want to create a life with someone who has had this huge life and is almost preparing to ride out into the sunset. Are you in the same place in this journey of life? And if not, what does the compromise look like? That's been our biggest challenge."
Covid-19 has prevented Jess from introducing her daughter to her family in the US and finding work has also been difficult as a role at Auckland University of Technology was no longer relevant in the pandemic. Jess has recently been accepted for her PhD and is getting her Hawaiian teacher's licence so she can teach here. She also runs yoga classes and is devising a class for older guys whose knees are an issue.
They try to see the lighter side of life and smile wryly when people mistake their age difference for other family dynamics. When Frank had to correct someone who thought Tillie was his granddaughter, he noticed a shop assistant roll their eyes. And a restaurateur recently asked Jess what it was like having a famous dad.
"Why am I doing this to myself?" Franks asks jovially. "I raised strong, independent women, I married a strong, independent woman, and now Tillie is getting stubborn, learning what she wants and what she doesn't want. My girls will keep me young."
"We're like a sweater," Jess says. "If you're knitting a sweater, you have all your individual pieces, but in time, it starts to look like something. It's coming together, but it's a process."
