Escape, Mt Eden

By MICHELE HEWITSON

"Don't order that, it sounds disgusting," said the Television Critic who is a right know-it-all. So, of course I did order the goat's cheese wontons with lime and cracked pepper, on a brown lentil salad finished with a balsamic reduction. And, because it is there, it ought to be better than edible. He, of course, was right.

The lime had escaped from Escape and, after struggling with a plate with an uneven bottom that clunked every time I put fork to food, I felt like fleeing after it. The brown lentil salad was good, but it was hardly supposed to be the star of the entree.

I complained about the plate and told the waiting person to throw the thing in the bin the minute she got it back to the kitchen. "Don't bother scraping the food off, just chuck it," I said, bossily. She muttered a sorry about the wobbles; she didn't ask why so much of the food remained on the offending platter.

So that was a wobbly start. As was the fact that that the waiting staff had to rush to the kitchen, twice, once to ask what the fish of the day was, and then to ask what the baby squid was stuffed with. They should know these things.

The water was warm. The butter that came with the bread, which was not french bread as advertised, was in those little plastic packs. Those little plastic packs are fine at the muffin shop; they are not fine at a place that charges $9.50 for smoked fish chowder.

The Telly Critic was smirking rather, over that soup, as I cracked a mostly hollow wonton to excavate the cheese. Ha. That smirk didn't last long. His soup tasted overwhelmingly of manuka chips. He didn't eat much of it. Nobody asked why.

I had a roasted Kassler pork chop stuffed with pistachio and mint. It came on a hearty bean cassoulet, which was hearty all right. It was also dull.

About the best I could say for the pork was that it didn't arrive on a plate that wobbled. Perhaps the density of the dish kept it weighted firmly to the table.

The TC had a perfectly okay chicken and mango salad. He was subsequently banned from having the brulee from the blackboard dessert menu.

I had it and how he laughed. It appeared to have jam lurking at the bottom.

I don't want jam in the bottom of my brulee and I don't want wobbly plates, warm water and butter in plastic packs.

What I would like is a little local brasserie that does basic stuff well. There's no point mucking about stuffing pork chops with fancy things until you can cook said chop perfectly.

Open: Monday to Sunday 7am-3pm; 5.30-11pm

Owner: Jonathan Rickard

Head chef: Dan Read

Food: Contemporary NZ

On the menu: Chicken wings baked in tabasco with fresh celery and a blue cheese dip ($14.50), cornfed chicken breast roasted and served on green beans tossed in chestnuts with a port wine jus ($22.50)

Vegetarian: They're welcome to those wontons

Wine list: Small but adequate

Bottom line: Throw out those silly plates, train the waiting staff, concentrate on getting the basics right and we might be back. Mt Eden needs a good, reliable little local that gets the food right