TV review: Desperate Housewives

What is the right tie to wear at your own funeral?

Poor, sado-masochistic Rex died unexpectedly of heart failure in the finale of the last series of Desperate Housewives; he had no sartorial say in last night's debut of the next round of shenanigans of Wisteria Lane (TV2, 8.30pm).

He might have quite fancied a whip wrapped around his neck for the long goodbye. Instead, Rex's tie became the symbol of the rivalry between his wife Bree, all emotion clamped down, and his doughy mother Phyllis, who wailed more than enough for both of them.

It was a clash of the titans, and Phyllis established her position as she brought out some of Rex's appalling boyhood possessions.

According to her, Rex's happiest times had been pre-Bree, at college where the school tie was a bright orange horror. She wanted Rex to be buried in it. Bree's eyes narrowed.

Phyllis also hauled out some of Rex's adolescent porn mags.

"Gee, Dad was into big breasts?" gasped his son.

"That's why I was so surprised when he married your mother," hissed Phyllis, ever so gently.

Foolish Phyllis. When she overstepped the mark and continued her anti-Bree campaign with the minister, Bree snapped and barred her from the funeral, eventually relenting for the sake of the kids.

However, propriety - ever the benchmark for Bree's rigid existence - collapsed when she saw the orange tie on Rex's body at the funeral.

The old bag had outsmarted her, but not for long.

Fixated throughout the service by that tie, not by grief, Bree leapt up as they were about to close the coffin and stalked the church in search of a more muted substitute.

Everyone gaped in disbelief as she raised Rex's body and slipped the more stylish noose around Rex's neck. An appropriate elegy for a man's sorry life and one of the best moments of the episode.

Last night, Susan and Mike's absurd relationship appeared to come to a close as it was revealed gun-wielding Zach was Mike's son, on the run. Like father, like son.

Susan decided she could not share her life with Zach, via Mike. But Zach will be back.

Lynette, whose house-husband spouse Tom has proved himself useless, in more ways than one, rushed off to her job interview clutching the baby, much to the disapproval of anti-child Nina.

But Lynette's diaper-changing, multi-tasking, can-do performance wowed the male boss, and she's in. Her hubby had better get his act together.

Aside from the funeral, and the tie, the most intriguing development at the start of this new series were the new neighbours, the Applewhites, allegedly mother and son.

What an interesting name for this tidy family.

Josh the son implied Mr Applewhite was dead, but his mother told him to leave the clever stuff to her.

They descended together into the cellar, tray of food carried by one, a gun by the other. A shackled hand moved towards the tray.

Who was it? Mr Applewhite, one assumes. How long can the Applewhites keep their basement resident a secret?

Not long, one suspects.