Michele Hewitson: I'm so over Corby

The coverage of the Schapelle Corby dope-in-the-boogie-board case reminds me of a cartoon which was pinned to a noticeboard at work after months of coverage of a case which went on for much longer, the OJ Simpson case. It showed a depressed-looking man standing in a suburban street, and the caption read: "Did he do it? Of course he did it. Now, can we all talk about something else?"

I have no idea whether Corby did it. Paul Holmes had an interview with the mother - which I happened across because I keep forgetting to see who he's got on any particular night. This is a shame because the most entertaining part of the battle at seven is to see who hasn't got who.

Will I watch Paul Holmes in an earlier time slot? Only if he promises not to have anything more on Schapelle Corby. There's no doubt his interview with the mother was a "get" in terms of the story. But there was the screaming sister on the nightly news. I left the room. Oh, please, can't we all talk about something else?

I saw a segment on 60 Minutes about why French women don't get fat. This is based on a book, written by a thin French woman, about how French women don't get fat because they don't snack and do drink wine. This story's been around a while, too.

The stories I read about this also theorised that they don't get fat because they smoke like old chimneys and, go figure, buy a lot of sexy knickers. I assume the buying lots of knickers burns off the fat because, as a mate of mine pointed out to me the other day, she is a lot more active than I am because she does more shopping. I would like to see a documentary on this topic.

The story on why French women don't get fat was fronted by an Australian woman. She seemed quite thin and quite tall, at least to me. Before her thing on how you can eat, drink and stay thin was a segment on the so-called Indonesian Hobbits, whose bones have recently(ish) been discovered in Indonesia.

The Hobbits were apparently about 1m tall (I don't know whether they were fat for their height). The Indonesians accompanying the tall Australian journo were quite short. Not quite 1m tall, admittedly, but pretty short. They had a festival, from time to time, which was designed to frighten children into being good. It involves a dance about bad, little people, the women folk of whom had long breasts which they could toss over their shoulders. I have no doubt this would frighten young folk so badly they would never be tempted to smuggle 4.1kg of dope into a country with really scary laws against naughty foreigners. Like Australia.

All of this was very interesting, and serious, but I think the best thing I saw all week was Facelift which gave Schapelle Corby scores, a la Dancing with the Drug Smugglers, for her courtroom performance. I think they scored her a bit high. But then I was outraged Theresa got kicked off and Tim didn't. Be nice when it's all over and we can all talk about something else, though.

There was nothing on the Why French Chicks Don't Get Fat about the smoking. Why not? Anthony Bourdain was on the telly (when isn't he on the telly?) being interviewed by Cameron Bennett who tried to make questions about food - "What wouldn't you eat?" - sound like the hard questions. He asked Bourdain about smoking. Bourdain said: "What can I say? It's bad for you; it feels good."

Can't somebody do a documentary about that, instead of all this carry-on about silly Aussie girls and snooty thin French ones and dead Hobbit women with very long breasts?