Michele Hewitson: Amateur nights of spin

Nobody has been talking much about that leaders' debate, the one on TV One. And nobody was talking much about that other leaders' debate, the one on TV3.

At least, nobody was talking much about what the leaders had to say. The whole thing has turned into a farce - with all of the news value taking place within the news organisations running, or failing to run, the babble fests.

Jim and Peter had to go to court to be allowed to take part in the TV3 debate. How terribly humiliating. You felt so embarrassed for them that you wanted to advise them to stay at home in their slippers and night cap until the whole thing was over.

The TV One debate was drowned out by the roar of the angry crowd roaring angrily about the baying crowd in the studio. Too bad, said smug old TVNZ. It added drama and they're into adding drama. I thought they were hosting a debate, but silly old me.

Other than that, it took a quote from Don the Gentleman to add any news value, if you can call it that. That it was is a good indication of how utterly dreary, and worthless, the debate was in the first place.

And so, spin, spin, spin it goes on. It's like being trapped on a merry-go-round, without the merriment.

But most of the attempted political spin is so amateur, it's laughable. The pollies ought to be taking pointers from whoever kicked in behind Marc Ellis, that likeable chap who has been caught in that so-called celebrity drug scandal.

We've seen the most polished bit of spin-doctoring since Alastair Campbell was in town. Even his attempts paled in comparison, with the appearance of Ellis' mate and sort of boss, producer and host of Sportscafe, Ric Salizzo, on TV One's Close Up. It was brilliantly done, sincere, more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger spin. But just who was spinning what?

TVNZ screens Sportscafe, and very popular it is too. So it is surely in their interests to help in the rehab of Ellis. Ellis, said Salizzo, playing straight man to Ellis' bad boy persona, just as he does on the telly show, had fronted up, apologised, was truly sorry and was paying the price.

He hadn't quite fronted up, had he? Although surely a bloke who has had a Brazilian on the telly shouldn't have had any fears of Susan. Especially with an introduction about how Ellis, who had "taken it on the chin", was one of "New Zealand's most likeable and talented all-rounders".

What a shame he didn't turn up. He and Susan could have talked about weddings and how hard it is to plan your nuptials when the PM took so long to announce an election date. Because, oh, look, here's a story in the Herald on Sunday about how the formerly, resolutely private about his private life Ellis is now engaged, with a picture of his affianced. How beautifully managed.

At the end of the interview Susan said to Ric: "Good on you." Quite. Although the effect has rather been ruined by an hysterical response from crap-telly maker Julie Christie who has thrown a hissy fit about being asked questions by a TVNZ news team inside TVNZ where she rents a facility.

She used to be a journo, but she has forgotten that and now appears to think she's the Queen and cannot be spoken to unless she gives her gracious permission. Although, presumably, the Queen gets better advice.

It's silly to spit at TVNZ head of news Bill Ralston that this place would be better off without him. But even sillier to go on to say, " ... it's got to the point where I wish I didn't live here". The obvious response to that is: "Well, bugger off then."

This is all the excellent stuff of pure farce: you get to watch those spinning wheels in motion, and it is so much more exciting than all that droning on in those other farces called debates.