Kerre Woodham: Murder on dance floor

There are not many television shows that can attract a household viewing audience comprised of a 68-year-old, a 50-year-old, a 40-year-old and two very cool 16-year-olds. But Dancing with the Stars does it.

I have never been into reality-type shows, not as a contestant and not as a viewer. Whenever I've been asked to participate in one of the Treasure Islands, I haven't been able to get "No!" out fast enough. Standing next to goddesses like Nicky Watson and Charlotte Dawson in bikinis. Going without food for long periods of time.


Being compelled to share my space with creepy crawlie weird things. Or Michael Laws. No thank you. The Reserve Bank hasn't minted enough money to persuade me to participate in a show like that. Or indeed watch it. Which puts me in a minority.

Because these reality shows are, apparently, hugely popular. And now, with the arrival of Dancing with the Stars on our screens, I can see why. I've become a convert. DWTS is my Treasure Island. Glamour and gorgeousness and beautiful frocks. Tension and tears and tantrums. T


here are the good cops - Donna and Paul - and the bad cops - Brendan the bastard and the acerbic Alison. There's the lovely host, Jason Gunn, who's a summa cum laude graduate of the Bruce Forsythe and Michael Barrymore School of Showmen and let's not forget the sinuous and improbably named Candy Lane who's an inspiration to all women of a certain age everywhere. And of course there are the marvellous contestants.

I think part of the show's magic is that these people were not the usual suspects - the same old faces you see on these sorts of shows. They are wonderful talent and some of them are truly gifted - like Norm Hewitt and Shane Cortese and the sadly departed Theresa Healey.


And then there's the wonderful talent who's not so gifted - the much-maligned Tim Shadbolt. There hasn't been a man who's polarised the nation in such a way since Carlos Spencer. Poor Tim! He's probably praying to get voted off.


He's nearly 60, he's got a dodgy hip, and I don't think he ever anticipated that he'd receive hate mail from outraged dancing dowagers simply because he fluffed his foxtrot and danced a dodgy paso doble. It's going to be tough tonight choosing between Shane and Norm. So far, Norm's had my vote but Shane's hard to ignore. Especially when he dances without his shirt. And Tim, bless him, will get a vote from the 50-year-old in the house, who thinks he's great. And he is.


He's an everyman, who can't dance and doesn't care because he thought he was there to raise money for a good cause and have some fun at the same time. Clearly he doesn't watch a lot of reality TV either, because if he did, he'd know the fun quickly disappears from these shows, and the knives come out.

I really do fear that if Tim doesn't leave tonight, there'll be murder on the dance floor.