When our three gossip mags offer cover stories about Suzanne Paul's money problem, Oprah Winfrey's weight problem, and Justin Marshall's problem with his pregnant wife leaving banana skins all over the place, it's certainly a lean week in gossip-land.
New Idea has even resorted to using actors or Photoshop to
stage a mock wedding between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at a French chateau. "We were there and we got the photos!" they say, and then admit: "Well, that's not strictly true."
What makes this all the more unfortunate is that photos of the wedding that really did happen on the weekend, for which New Idea paid exclusive rights, are displayed, albeit grainy and blurry, in the pages of its arch rival, Woman's Day. A whole week before they will appear in New Idea, it seems. That's the wedding of local TV celeb Bernadine Oliver-Kerby who married her policeman partner on Waiheke Island.
With Katie and Tom doing little more this week than preparing their mansion hidey-hole for the birth of their baby, the fringe celebrities usually relegated to the back can celebrate pages of coverage.
Who would have known otherwise that Whitney Houston has none of her own teeth, and that her expensive dentures often fall victim to her alleged "drug benders". What does she do except call up the dentist to make her some more? Woman's Day and New Idea both have the story of Whitney's sister-in-law telling tales of crack cocaine use.
According to Woman's Day, that lovely Kate Middleton and Prince William seem to be almost set to walk down the aisle, but like any fairytale there is always a spoiler. In this case it is Camilla, who is jealous of her future step-daughter-in-law and has been making snide comments about her.
Perhaps Camilla is lashing out after it emerged Prince Charles once had an affair with Barbra Streisand.
The Woman's Weekly has been slightly more inventive than making up a fake wedding to fill pages, and having noticed a tendency for Brad Pitt to dye his hair the same colour as his current partner, has got the photos to prove it.
Still hungry for real gossip? About those banana skins - Justin Marshall's wife Nicolle's third baby is due in September and she is going through bananas like nobody's business. At least it's true.
