In the women's mags: Dalliances of the stars bump Tomkat to newsbriefs

It's all for charity, the crew of stars in Dancing with the Stars say.

The women's mags know this is balderdash.

What it's about are the frocks: whether the designers will dare to put Rodney in chiffon, and who will, well, form an off-air relationship.

The mags are near apoplectic with delight, pushing Tomkatsuri to the briefs column in favour of scurrilous local gossip, such as David Wikaira-Paul eating Zinger Burgers instead of protein bars.

The New Zealand Woman's Weekly promises "secrets of the stars" and reveals that Lorraine Downes has been driven to Susan Wood-esque proportions of stress. She isn't quite shouting at her children, but "I've let the housework go a bit".

And, shock, horror - "There have been more takeaway dinners than would usually be allowed."

The magazine comes straight out and asks them all whether they fancy their dancing partners.

Lorraine Downes declares she and Martin Crowe are "oblivious to the attractions of anyone else".

It had more luck with Steve Gurney, who thinks learning to dance will get him a bit more lady love than sweating on a bike. His dance partner, Sharan, has "spunk". She also has a husband and two kids.

"The first time I felt 'the rhythm' while dancing with her was incredible. It was something I'd never experienced before. It was like being in love in some ways and it brought a tear to my eye."

Things aren't so smooth in other camps, and Christine Rankin is less lyrical about the dancing experience.

"I fell during an odd manoeuvre and landed like a baby elephant. It wasn't a pretty sight."

Woman's Day spurns Dancing with the Stars for the royals.

There's Princess Beatrice, 17, who has sent "sizzling text messages" to naughty boy Paulo Liuzzo, who is on probation.

Then there is Prince William in hot chilli-pepper boardshorts and girlfriend Kate Middleton in the Caribbean.

The four-page photo spread reveals the $50,000 holiday was a pre-wedding honeymoon "because they fear they will be hounded by the press during their real one".

A Caribbean islander revealed: "William was drinking Planter's Punch mixed with Barbados rum and he got Kate to dance to a steel band."

In Tomkat news, the magazine reports Tom is discovering the hard way that it doesn't pay to hook up with the daughter of a divorce lawyer.

After weeks of flaming negotiations with Martin Holmes, Cruise agreed to put $20 million into a trust fund for Katie and 3-week-old Suri and to pay her $40 million if they marry and later divorce. He got his own back. The parents aren't invited to the wedding. If it happens.

In New Idea, Zinzan Brooke reveals that he did all the hard work when it came to the birth of his child.

There was wife, Ali, lying back in the luxurious comfort of their SUV in -2C temperatures on the side of the road, when out popped a head.

He gave it a little tug and "woosh", out it came. Ali just lay there.