"It's a shame your husband can't help you with anything because you choose to breastfeed - my husband was really hands on because we formula fed. It's important for the baby to have both parents".
"How long are you going to breastfeed for?"
"Don't you think it's time to stop?"
"When are you going to wean?"
"Is he getting enough milk?"
"You should give him a bottle top-up. That's what formula is for!"
"Do you still feed overnight?"
"I choose sleep, that's why I don't breastfeed. I don't know why you bother!"
"How many feeds is he having?"
"What are you going to do when you go back to work?"
HOW ABOUT YOU GET OFF MY TITS?
They're mine. Not yours. I'm not asking you to breastfeed my child so why do you give a sh*t about what I'm doing? Do I ask what you're doing with your nipples? No, I don't. So why ask me? Relentlessly. Constantly. All the bloody time. Do you want daily updates? What answer should I give to make you back off?
It shouldn't matter to anyone how people are feeding their kids. I can't believe we are still having this inane debate. But here we are. I wasn't even going to write about this, but another, incredulous, "are you still breastfeeding?!?" comment has tipped me over the edge.
Yes, if you must know, I am STILL breastfeeding my infant baby tiny child who is only 9 months old. Because he is a baby. Babies need fluid. This is how the world works.
Saying "are you still breastfeeding?" is the weirdest, dumbest question ever - my tit isn't in his mouth for kicks. You can see with your own eyes that I am.
And if I'm not breastfeeding right then and there and I'm asked - what's the point of the question? What does it matter? If I asked everyone to tell me when you're meant to stop breastfeeding, everyone would give a different date - so what's the point in talking about it.
How about since it's my body, I decide?
if you don't like people breastfeeding past a couple of weeks, that is fine. Here is what you should do about it - go outside, yell at a tree. Because nobody cares.
As long as I don't ask you to breastfeed my child, as long as I don't try to breastfeed you - you shouldn't be opening your mouth and saying anything about my tits to me. You shouldn't care, for some reason you do, I don't know why - but whatever, that's your weird deal. But you need to not say this to breastfeeding mums.
Likewise you need to STFU about formula feeding. I've done both - EBM and formula for my first and breastmilk direct and formula for my second. And I find the endless blog posts and coffee group chatter about both desperately boring. Hell, this post is boring!
BUT - the reason why we keep having this conversation is because people KEEP BEING JERKS.
Of all the interesting things you can talk to mums about - child development, gummy smiles, novelty onesies, the rights of little people, how kids play, the funny ways they say words, what wine is on special at PAK'nSAVE, how to blow raspberries, little booties, paid parental leave, white noise apps, K-Mart, fat cheeks, music babies love and how they dance, things that make them smile, types of coffee, poo, first words, hot dads, hot mums, fresh newborn baby smell, best playgrounds, least annoying Disney songs, parenting wins, parenting fails, how to get them out of a swaddle, fluffy hair, yummy cuddles - all of those things and all you can think to do is make a comment about whether the baby is bottle fed or breastfed?
Try harder. Try instead:
What a beautiful baby.
OR
Here's some money.
OR
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once, I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
Ok, I'm sorry about that one.
Mainly though, people need to quit saying sh*t to mums they would never ever say to anyone else.
Think: 1) Is it my business? 2) Do I need to know? 3) Will asking achieve anything at all?
Question why it bothers you and question whether it should bother you. This applies to EVERYTHING to do with parenting and unsolicited advice.
Before you make a comment to someone about, say, their sleeping arrangements with their kids, think about what commenting on it is going to achieve.
Yes, you'd NEVER have your kids in your bed. Cool, here's your medal.
Now, is this mum or dad asking you to have their child in your bed? No? Are you wanting to sleep in their bed? No? So why are you upset? Why say anything?
Everyone is tired and muddling their way through - this is the default position of parents.
Just muddle through and don't get worked up about how anyone else is doing something.
Unless they're trying to breastfeed you. In which case - yeah, say something.
Otherwise, don't be a jerk.
- nzherald.co.nz
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