Festive food: It's a summer treat whatever you call it

Lobster plant manager Jeremy Phipps enjoys his lobster smoked. It takes about five minutes to do, 'then it's just primo'. Picture / Simon Baker

First things first. That red crustacean with all the legs that tastes really good but doesn't come cheap is a lobster, not a crayfish.

The word crayfish is "pure kiwiana" according to one industry leader Larnce Wicham, and its origins are not known. What is caught off the rocks and reefs around New Zealand is properly - and internationally - known as the "cold water spiny red lobster".

Whether or not you change your own terminology is another matter, Mr Wicham says. Just as long as you know what you are eating, especially this Christmas when some people forsake a traditional turkey for seafood. As project manager of Marlborough-based Burkhart Fisheries it is his job to give you the opportunity to do just that.

If you are buying lobster in Auckland, be it at the Harbourside restaurant or a branch of St Pierre's retail seafood, it is likely your catch will have been recently plucked from the sea off the east coast of the South Island.

Burkhart fishes a long stretch of the Marlborough coastline with seven boats.

Lobster pots are set and collected daily, as weather permits. Each boat sets about 150 pots.

"It's not rocket science," Mr Wicham says.

It is, however, a carefully organised operation that gets the lobster from the sea to your plate.

Once the pots are hauled on board, each lobster is measured.

A female must be no smaller than 60mm across a certain point on the tail, a male slightly less at 54mm.

There is no room for mistakes in the business of commercial catches. Selling lobsters that are even a fraction of a millimetre too small will result in hefty fines and, in extreme cases, confiscation of boats.

Lobsters that pass the size test are secured in bins that are hung over the side of the boat, keeping them as fresh and lively as possible until they are retrieved and covered for their trip into land.

Once at the factory the lobsters are sorted by weight into five categories, smallest to largest. Each size has its market.

The Japanese market tends to take the smaller ones, so each diner has one lobster, but the Chinese market takes the oversized ones, working on the premise that the bigger the shellfish, the more prestigious it looks.

Quality control and sorting is not restricted to size.

Burkhart lobsters destined for the offshore market will not be going anywhere if they have more than three legs missing, a horn severed or a cracked shell.

Missing legs are common. A lobster will drop a leg if it is being handled too hard or violently. They grow back over a year.

"That's something we try to stress to divers and recreational fishers. If you are diving and you find a big lobster hiding out under a rock, don't grab it by the leg because it will just drop it and get away from you," Mr Wicham says.

"Try another rock and go for another lobster. What the divers tend to forget it that there are 500 other divers out there pulling off legs too. After Easter we find our catch has a large number of lobsters with a lot of legs missing.

"People have been out hunting. But there are enough for everyone so just move on a bit."

That claim is backed by the research collated from data recorded by 60 per cent of the Burkhart boats, covering everything from the numbers caught in each pot to their size to migration patterns.

Since the mid-1990s, the size restrictions on lobster changed from being a certain tail length to the 60 or 54mm tail width.

It was initially going to be 58mm for females, but the industry recommended the Fisheries Ministry extend it to 60mm, giving the lobsters another breeding season.

Mr Wicham attributes that change to the number of lobster available to catch.

"We never have any trouble. It's a very good situation to have."

Once sorted and packed, the lobsters heading overseas are couriered to Christchurch International Airport. Within 36 hours they are in the markets of Asia.

To keep them alive the metabolism of the lobsters is slowed by keeping them chilled at 3-4C.

The timing is carefully calculated so that once the lids are lifted the temperature in the box has climbed back to about 13 or 14 degrees - a point at which the lobster will be lively and feisty - not to mention annoyed at being cooped up in a box for 36 hours with 20 others.

Lobsters destined for the Auckland market follow a similar pattern but the travelling time is obviously much shorter. Lobster caught on a Monday will be available to buy in Auckland by the next lunchtime.

What is done with them next is up to the individual tastes of the consumer - but Mr Wicham does have some hints.

The most important, both for the quality of the lobster meat and to be humane, is to leave the little fellow in the freezer for 30 minutes before boiling. By that time he will be in a deep, peaceful slumber and the agony of being boiled alive will be minimal.

Throwing a lobster into a pot of boiling water straight out of the shopping bag or dive catch bag not only spells violent death for the lobster, but the thrashing and fighting it will do puts any chef in danger of being scalded too.

Once the lobster is cooked, remove it from the hot water and plunge it into cold water. That will stop it continuing to cook, which makes the meat dry and tough.

Flip it on to its back, and cut straight down the middle. Eat it from the shell or serve it with salad.

"It's the most common way but there are many others," Mr Wicham says.

"Barbecue them by cutting them in half and cooking with the shell side down until the last minute then flipping them over for that chargrilled taste. Or throw the meat into a mornay for a hot dish."

However, no version will be on his plate this Christmas. He doesn't dislike lobster and will try any new method to make sure he knows what he's is talking about, but Mr Wicham says the lobster "just isn't a preference for me".

Lobster plant manager Jeremy Phipps enjoys his lobster smoked. It takes about five minutes to do "then it's just primo".