Entertainment picks: From forceps to feathers

Movies

Hats off to Zach Braff for the most interesting acting career we've seen, from starring in a medical sitcom to making his own film to, um, voicing a chicken.

In Chicken Little (opening Thursday) he gets to yell, "The sky is falling!" as an acorn drops on his animated noggin, much to fellow poultry's disgust. Reputation in tatters, the sky then falls and clobbers him on the head. Brilliant piece of satire, that.

Sarah Jessica Parker loses the frou-frou skirts and berets of Sex & the City to play Dermot Mulroney's ice-queen girlfriend in The Family Stone, a sort of dry Meet the Parents.

Bollywood buffs check out Bluffmaster, starring Abhishek Bachchan, Priyanka Chopra and Ritesh Deshmukh, about a con man called Roy. (Now why would you believe a man named Roy?) So con man meets girl, falls in love, loses girl (as con men do), con man meets fellow con man, teaches him con man tricks, has epiphany, etc.

The Rialto has the pick of the week in Cannes favourite Joyeux Noel, France's nomination for best film at the Oscars for this based-on-a-true-story. On Christmas Eve 1914 in Northern France, Brits and Germans who had fought each other from the trenches barely 100m apart on a daily basis, put down their weapons to share wine and food, exchange photos and memories and play a game of soccer in the snow.

I don't know what happens next but if anyone dies post-plum-pud I will lose faith in humanity altogether. Merry Christmas.

TV

Desperate Housewives are the TV Spice Girls. There's a Posh, a Ginger and a Crazy. So which one are you? When you go to the supermarket you wear: a) a blouse covered in baby sick; b) something out of Stepford Wives; c) jeans with a piece of toilet paper sticking out the bottom; d) a lacy push-up bra under a tight dress. Answers: you already know the answers.

What you don't know will be revealed in the season finale tonight - the secrets surrounding Mary-Alice's suicide, the truth about Mike's mission and the reason Zach is such a freak. We also meet new characters who create drama for next year's series.

Then there's the final of the impressive yet oh-so-Wellington drama Insiders Guide to Love. Although that's competing with the must-watch-in-ad-breaks Stars Without Makeup (TV3, 9.35pm).

By jingies, you'd better retouch that fuzzy perm and get your huffy puffy out of the way because tomorrow night's a date with culture junkies, Kath & Kim. This time it's the telemovie Da Kath & Kim Code (TV3, 7.30pm). Kath and Kel have returned from a Da Vinci Code tour of Europe for the Christmas break, but only Sharon seems to be lucky in love.

And on Friday, Trinny and Susannah try to spice up their What Not To Wear format with Dresses Up: Tips for Party-going Celebrities, (TV One, 7.30pm), none of whom we are likely to know, as the celebs are British talkshow hosts and the like, but it's fun to watch egos get crushed.

And on Friday we farewell Mother of the Nation Judy Bailey, who we hope signs off from One News with a resounding, "Yesssss."

Social

Nothing to report outside of the schmooze-worthy Ralston-lunch variety. Although we doubt he'll be lunching much in public this week.

Music

It must be sacrilege to host a gig this week without calling it a Christmas Party. Hence, the Christmas Party at the Dogs Bollix on Tuesday night, (apparently the regular deal but with carol singers).

Then there's the Kings Arms Christmas Party on Thursday (a showcase of bands called the Furys, Tim Werry and the Waltons).

On Friday it's the 95bFM Christmas Party (code for gig by Guitar Wolf, the Tokyo punk band who are also playing with old mates the D4 at the Masonic on Christmas Eve).

For those who hate Christmas, are Jewish or simply feel like going out for going out's sake, Ministry of Sound favourite Judge Jules plays on Wednesday at Starzz, which leads us to ask, who gave permission to spell it like that?

Fellow punctuationally challenged lads the feelers play the Empire on Wednesday, and Elemeno P, Steriogram and Deja Voodoo are at the London Shed, Pakuranga, on Thursday and the Brownzie on Friday. Katchafire are at Harbour Masters, Waiheke, on Friday, and the Riverhead Tavern the following night.