Ah, mothers-in-law. Now there's a polarising bunch: You either love 'em or cannot stand the sight of them and, unlike the plot line to every Jane Fonda vs. J Lo-type movie, chances are you will never become friends.
There are the mothers-in-law (MILs) who interfere too much. You know, the ones who constantly show up unannounced so that now, to avoid a repeat of the Rogue Boob Dressing Gown Saga of 2016, you wear a bra to bed every night.
Yeah, you saw my tits, Karen. Maybe shoot us a text first next time, eh?
Then there's the MIL who needs all the attention in the room, even as you're giving birth to her Herculean 4.5kg grandchild.
I mean, I get it: We've taken from our mothers-in-law their most precious creation: their beloved child, their womb fruit. And for that, we will always have to pay.
But as a reminder that you are not alone in your contentious relationship, we've rounded up eight types you're likely to find here in New Zealand.
1. The passive-aggressive comments about your appearance MIL
This MIL constantly makes snide remarks about how often you don't see her and how different you look.
As she observes your middle-of-June-and-loving-the-slow-cooker bod, she asks if maybe you've had a haircut?
Oh but it doesn't end there, does it? While you're in the kitchen making her a cuppa, because that's the kind of host you are, she makes comments such as: "Goodness, those jeans are awfully tight on you, aren't they?" As if you're supposed to agree with her deeply offensive ass commentary.
You want nothing more than to turn around and remind her of the time she picked her grandson up from daycare in nude coloured leggings and a parent made a complaint.
She also loves to comment on your parenting skills, suggesting maybe you should work less and try a "more calming approach" to discipline.
2. "T" the MIL who took you in at 16
This Whangarei-proud mother-in-law took you in when you and her son started dating at the tender age of 16. Your family didn't approve, so Tanz, who you lovingly refer to as "T", took you under her wing, letting you work part-time at her hair salon.
She's always assigned you chores around the house, and you pay a token $50 rent per week - because T knows the value of a dollar and wants to instil the same in you.
She loves the "mighty" Northland Taniwha rugby team and spends her spare time working as a tutor for young hairdressing hopefuls.
Sometimes you wonder if you're still in the relationship for your partner, or if it's for T's phenomenal Sunday roasts, chardies after hours at the salon and life-changing pep talks.
3. The zero boundaries MIL
As previously alluded too, this MIL loves to show up unannounced and her overly close relationship with her child makes you more uncomfortable than you care to admit.
This mum has no problem jumping on the couch for a snuggle with her beloved son and using her spit to wipe a bit of crusted tomato sauce off his cheek.
She drives a British racing green BMW convertible - because she wanted the option to "put the top down". It's been seven years and the lid still remains firmly shut.
While you put up with her invasion of her son's privacy, you are not okay with her dipping in to yours. That said, you still can't confront her about the time you asked her to feed your cat while you were away and you know damn well she went through your bedside drawers.
4. DIY Donna
This MIL loves to "up-cycle". She's into "funky" necklaces and colourful specs and is yet to find a chair that doesn't look better re-upholstered with floral fabric.
When she isn't offering you first dibs on her latest creations, she's FaceTiming your husband from Mitre 10 to share how she's turning a $4 flowerpot into an elaborate water feature.
When she visits you try to hide your own shoddy handiwork - that looks fantastic with a filter - because you know she'll do a full OSH inspection with that little level she always carries in her purse.
It doesn't take long before she's pointing out the flaws in your DIY and questioning why you used blu tack in the construction of your "very crooked" floating shelves.
5. Always-makes-a-scene Pauline
This is a MIL you always hear her before you see her. And she's sustained a sensational amount of "injuries" over the years.
She wears Ziera sandals - which give more support than any therapist - but she still manages to trip on anything and everything.
While your partner refuses to believe it, you totally saw her put down her glass of Lindauer before taking a calculated "fall" when nobody was paying attention to her at Christmas.
Not ringing any bells? This MIL bears a striking resemblance to Colleen Smart from Home and Away: "Yoo-hoo!"
"Yoo-hoo only me." Photo / Youtube
6. The one that refuses to acknowledge your existence
This MIL refuses to acknowledge you're in her life, never invites you along to anything, and always "forgets" a Christmas present for you.
Your partner is constantly having to advise you'll also be joining the family gathering because if you turn up unannounced she'll make you sit at the kid's table. Again.
Even though you've been with her son for 10 years, have a home together and three beautiful children, somehow she still can't pronounce your monosyllabic name. As far as she's concerned, you're "Tim's partner".
The plastic MIL has had so much done to her face you honestly have no idea if she likes you or not.
Accustomed to a very early afternoon pinot grigio, the saying "It's five o'clock somewhere," is a daily utterance.
Whenever there's a problem in her life she has no issue throwing money at the situation, or utilising one of her many "connections" to get what she wants.
This MIL is the reason your nuptials were more Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, than "rustic chic". You may never get over the truly horrendous "heirloom" tiara she made you wear.
8. The unicorn MIL
On the odd chance you've found yourself what is formally known as a "unicorn mother-in-law", or UMIL, consider yourself truly blessed.
They drop over freshly baked bread and produce so perfect you swear they're active on the fruit and veg black market.
