Eight competitive anxieties I’m facing in midlife – Shane Watson

Being fit, having successful children, having a nice house, being 'good for your age' - columnist Shane Watson has a growing list of anxieties as she gets older. Photo / Getty Images

Shane Watson is an author, journalist and columnist for The Telegraph

OPINION

Where one goes, another steps in... These are things I’m worrying about as I get older

Diets are dead in 2024 – or so we’re told. Gen Z have turned their backs on the Boomer generation’s Ryvita and cottage cheese and Gen Xrs’ no-carb regimes. Healthy eating, body positivity and Ozempic have combined to put the dieting industry on notice and we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

But let’s not be too hasty to congratulate ourselves because – to paraphrase the late James Goldsmith – when you get over one competitive anxiety you create a vacancy, and dieting is essentially competitive. You wouldn’t bother if you were marooned alone on a desert island after all. Comparing yourself to others who are slimmer is at the root of all dieting – mental health issues aside – and comparing ourselves to others seems to be in women’s DNA.

So, if we’re let off the hook size-wise, we’ll simply find something new that we think we’re failing at in comparison to our peers. I grew out of dieting years ago but I’ve developed eight brand-new competitive anxieties – all of them pretty standard for a female late Boomer. You may recognise some of them…

Feeling under pressure to be fit, if not thin

There’s almost a moral element to this as you get older. Not running or lifting weights or doing something serious in the exercise department – walking the dog does not count – is considered to be irresponsible; a bit like being too hung over to look after your children. What are you thinking, not doing regular squats? How can you not stand on one leg when you’re cleaning your teeth when you know you need to stay strong for what lies ahead? Fit is the new thin.

Having children who ‘turned out well’

I’m a stepmother so I can always blame the genes but I’m aware that there is a how-did-they-turn-out barometer and healthy, happily paired-up and employed scores the most points. If your child has joined a sect you’re in the low-scoring pity pool and no one wants to be there.

Staying fit, not just thin, is the new expectation. Photo / 123rf

Having the nicer or as-nice house

Mad, but women mind about this stuff. We’re aware that when we go to the Whatsits’ house it looks like it’s been dressed by a luxury hotel and we feel outdone. Peonies in a green glass jug: why didn’t I think of that?

Being good for your age

I always maintained that those of us who were not knockouts in our 20s get a second crack in midlife and might even overtake the now-ravaged beauties of our youth. It’s the second-wave competition and everyone wants to be a recognised GFYA.

Still being into each other

Could have said: still being happily married/together, but the competition is subtler than that. You don’t score points for having a longstanding, frictionless relationship: you want to be the ones who still light up in each other’s company.

The quality of relationships matters more than their duration. Photo / 123rf

Being the most reliable

This is the age when you can be hurt to the quick by a friend asking your other friend to look after their dog when you live closer and have a similar dog. Back in the day there were glimmers of reliability competition: who’s organising the hen night? Who did she ring first in the crisis? Who are the godmothers? Now, you really want to be the chosen first responder.

Being able to grow stuff

Again, slightly different from keeping a respectable garden. Don’t actually want to do it but if others who are busier than us are on their hands and knees nurturing dahlias and lettuce then you can’t help feeling you must join in too.

There's a competitive urge to grow plants successfully because of others' gardening efforts. Photo / 123rf

Having an enviable work/life balance

We used to get points for rushing into the bar hair standing on end having given a mic’d-up presentation. Now the game is demonstrating a rich and varied life full of pottery classes, painting classes and diverse friends.