Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex arrive for the Invictus Games Dusseldorf. Photo / AP
Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex arrive for the Invictus Games Dusseldorf. Photo / AP
The Duchess of Sussex has spoken of her frustration at people believing she was "lucky" Prince Harry chose to marry her, saying she had always wanted to retort: "Well I chose him too."
The duchess, speaking in the third episode of her podcast, said "everyone" had believed she was fortunate to be dating Harry, the grandson of the Queen and then considered one of the world's most eligible bachelors.
Claiming she had heard how lucky she was "a million times over", she said she had been grateful that the prince himself was "countering the narrative for me" by saying: "I'm the lucky one because you chose me."
The duchess argued that the tendency to praise a woman's good fortune in finding a husband was "gendered, archetyped and stereotyped".
The podcast episode, in which she interviewed actress, writer and producer Mindy Kaling, tackled the "archetype" of the "spinster": the unflattering reputation of women who are unmarried through choice or circumstance.
"The idea of being unmarried still carries a stigma," the duchess told her Spotify audience. "What's so threatening about women who live outside of marriage?"
Duchess says she was often alone as a child
The duchess also spoke of her upbringing, describing herself as a "latchkey kid" who was often alone, in a claim that will raise further questions about her relationship with her estranged father and the mother she is thought to be close to.
A self-described "ugly duckling" at school, she also spoke of how she made herself the "smart one" rather than the "pretty one", filling her lunch break with clubs rather than eating alone.
In a discussion of the tendency of women to "settle" for a man who is not quite right for them for fear of ending up alone and without children, the duchess spoke of her astonishment over an RE lesson asking her to plan her perfect wedding at her all-girls secondary school three decades ago.
Meghan and Harry at the One Young World Summit on Monday. Photo / AP
Of meeting Harry, when she was an actress on Suits and living in Canada, she said: "When I started dating my husband and got engaged, everyone was like 'oh my God you're so lucky he chose you!'" she said.
"And at a certain point after you hear it a million times over, you think 'Well I chose him too?.
"Thankfully I had a partner who was countering that narrative for me and going: 'They've got it all wrong, I'm the lucky one cause you chose me.'
"It's gendered and archetyped and stereotyped that you're lucky.
"You're waiting for someone to tell you that you're good enough as opposed to knowing you're good enough on your own."
In comments which directly contradict her father and half-sister's version of her childhood, Meghan also described herself as a "latchkey kid".
Meghan with her mother, Doria Ragland and Prince Harry. Photo / Getty Images
She did not mention her mother, a social worker, or her father, an Emmy-winning lighting director who has spoken about how the young Meghan came to work with him after her school day.
"I was alone so much as a child and also a latchkey kid," she said. "I read a lot of Archie comic books. My son is not named after Archie comic books but I love them, I collected them."
Speaking of the aftermath of her parents' divorce, she added: "I always wanted this cookie cutter looking perfect life... I romanticised that.
"It's all part of the things of what you want your life to be when you grow up."
Describing herself as "the smart one, not the pretty one" who was left wondering "am I going to get the guy one day?", she added she found it "really hard".
"I never had anyone to sit with at lunch. I was always a little bit of a loner and really shy and didn't know where I fit in," she said.
By filling her lunch times with meetings, she said: "I never had to worry about who I'd sit with because I was busy."
The third episode of Archetypes is available on Spotify now, with new episodes every Tuesday.
