The board featuring police livery was briefly for sale online.
The beach can be a lawless place.
While surf lifesavers do sterling work to keep New Zealanders safe, a specific group of beachgoers has been largely left to police themselves - the surfers.
But one group is working to change all that and a rare opportunity to join their ranks recently emerged.
A listing on social media appeared this week for this beauty, a 9ft (2.7m) Torq-branded board, that the owner told the Herald had been used by the “drop-in police” in Wellington’s Lyall Bay.
We spoke to the officer selling the board, who gave his name and rank as Special Superintendent de Guerre Bas van Druten.
Our first question: Is this a Point Break-style situation? Has the drop-in police always used marked vehicles or have they operated undercover in the past?
“They have been undercover but blatantly loud,” Van Druten replied.
“We thought to give the drop-in police a bit more presence to avoid vigilantes taking over. I mean, enforcing is better when it’s clear who has the authority.”
Van Druten told the Herald that the enforcement area has so far been very specific, namely The Corner and Seconds at Lyall Bay.
“We found the biggest concentration of rogues and vigilantes there. We wanted to have a solid base and hone the techniques before rolling out across the country,” he said.
Van Druten claimed the operation was getting ready to go nationwide “but then the new Government came in and the funding stopped.
“It never got bigger than our founding member, Ian.”
Noting that police in other jurisdictions use bizarre transport such as Segways, we wondered if boogie boards were ever an option.
“Did you ever consider operating on d**k draggers?” the Herald asked.
“Totally, we’ve actually researched them,” Van Druten replied.
“But we found the Torq 9ft is perfect for our needs. Hits real hard but stays afloat even after some firm abuse.”
The online ad sparked considerable interest.
“Does it come with handcuffs and a blue buoyancy aid?” one would-be constable asked.
“Surely Ōrewa needs a drop-in police dept?,” one surfer asked his friend.
“Bro they don’t have enough handcuffs for the Ōrewa kooks, ” he replied.
We asked what sort of punishment kooks - a surfing novice or one who otherwise makes an idiot of themselves - could expect.
“The punishment is public shaming at the pipes on the beach, get their leash cut and have to pay in bars of wax,” Van Druten replied.
The real police told The Herald that they do not have an official Speedo Cops Unit, or officers trained to operate surfboards, but were willing to float the idea.
“It may not be smooth sailing: We’d need to work through issues like where to put the lights, how to keep notebooks and phones dry, and the logistics of transporting offenders on the back of boards. Sand in the Body Armour System could also pose a health and safety risk, and we’d have to waterproof our tactical gear,” a spokesperson said.
They also suggested that cops could be at risk of breaking the “togs, togs, undies” rule if they had to leave the beach in a hurry.
Anyone wanting to join the drop-in police might have to wait until the next induction because the board has already been sold.
“It was snapped up by a junior cadet wanting to keep the department going,” Van Druten said.
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