Dating is very different for men and women, with experts revealing one has had to “lower their standards” as the other gets away with murder. Photo / Getty Images
Dating is very different for men and women, with experts revealing one has had to “lower their standards” as the other gets away with murder. Photo / Getty Images
If there was one word women everywhere would agree sums up modern dating, it would be “exhausting”.
That feeling of being utterly worn out by the relentless merry-go-round of failed talking stages and unsuccessful dates is so widely known, it has been captured with the creation of a term called “dating fatigue”.
The phrase was coined to describe the draining sensation of indifference, hopelessness and in some cases even depression at either going on dates or just the mere thought of enduring another unsuccessful romantic encounter according to Psychology Today.
While some men can of course relate to dating burnout, experts state there’s a reason it’s more widely felt by women across the board.
Dr Lauren Rosewarne, lecturer at the School of Social and Political Sciences at the University of Melbourne, said “the dating game is demographically hard for women” for a number of reasons.
“Due to the patriarchy, men are still held in disproportionate esteem in our culture and coupling with them is seen by many women to be ‘The Goal’,” she told news.com.au.
“This gives men lots of power.”
Rosewarne also stated women are on the backfoot when it comes to finding love because they want to “date and have babies with men roughly their own age” while men often seek a different arrangement.
“Men want to date women younger than themselves. From the outset this creates a dynamic where the landscape is tougher for women,” she explained.
“There is more ‘competition’ and thus men get to act more cavalier because the demographics advantage them.”
This power advantage men have can lead to stereotypical behaviours Dr Rosewarne said, such as sending unsolicited d*** pics and body shaming.
While some men can of course relate to dating burnout, experts state there’s a reason it’s more widely felt by women across the board. Photo / Getty Images
“This mirrors what occurs offline when women are far more likely to be the victims of this kind of behaviour committed by men,” she said.
As someone who has experienced all of the above, I often find I take extended breaks from dating apps.
During a short-lived period where I dipped my toes back in the online dating cesspit recently, I came across a guy who flipped his lid at me when I questioned whether he was a catfish.
After lashing out and saying he didn’t want to have sex with me anyway (a predictable response to rejection) I decided to share his behaviour on my social media, and was surprised by the response.
While many were equally shocked guys get away with being so out of line, some laid the blame on me.
“What do you expect, you’ll always find weirdos on dating apps,” one so-called friend messaged me.
“You need to get a thicker skin and stop being so sensitive,” another said.
During a short-lived period where I dipped my toes back in the online dating cesspit recently, I came across a guy who flipped his lid at me when I questioned whether he was a catfish. Photo / supplied
This seemed utterly wild to me. How had a man behaving abhorrently become so normalised ... and accepted?
Rosewarne said it is unfortunately very common for women to “lower their standards” and believe societal pressures that “certain behaviours are less egregious simply because it’s so rampant.
“The nature of dating platforms also facilitates people being ruder,” she added.
“Partly because it’s seen as comparatively more anonymous and partly because it’s just easier to be rude to someone who you don’t have to physically look at.
“Dating platforms also don’t do a great deal to weed out bad behaviour.”
So what can women do to protect themselves from being on the receiving end? Melbourne sexologist Chantelle Otten recommends using the “block” button freely and “asserting boundaries”.
“One of the most important things to remember in these situations is that how someone treats you online is a reflection of them, and doesn’t have anything to do with you,” she told news.com.au.
“So if someone makes a nasty comment or sends an unsolicited pic, this is a reflection of their own insecurities and issues, not who you are as a person.
“If someone says something disrespectful, you can simply say something like “Hey, thanks for sharing that but I don’t appreciate comments like that” and move on.
“Or if a man keeps sending unwanted pics, you can block them.”
It is unfortunately very common for women to “lower their standards” and believe societal pressures that “certain behaviours are less egregious simply because it’s so rampant”. Photo / Getty Images
The 31-year-old, who is an ambassador for dating app Bumble, added choosing a safe platform to meet and chat to strangers on is also important.
“A key safety feature that differentiates Bumble from the other apps is its Private Detector which works by using AI to automatically blur a potential nude image shared within a chat on Bumble,” she said.
“It’ll then notify users that they’ve been sent something that’s been detected as inappropriate; it’s then up to members to decide whether to view or block the image.
“Members can then either Hide + Report or Block + Report as well as access a Safety and Wellbeing centre, a resource hub within the Bumble app built to help our global community have a safe and healthy dating experience.”
Of course, many of these unwanted encounters occur off platform, and as Rosewarne points out – the major issue with this unfortunately common dating act actually lies in the men that send them.
“It’s a kind of peacocking behaviour in the sense of hoping the other person will be aroused by what they have on offer,” she told news.com.au.
“There’s the hope of potentially instigating a sexual exchange, I’ve shown you mine now you show me yours.
“I also think there’s some narcissism at play as well.”
