Louanne Ward an Australian dating expert and matchmaker has revealed the five words single men run from. Photo / Instagram @louanneward
Louanne Ward an Australian dating expert and matchmaker has revealed the five words single men run from. Photo / Instagram @louanneward
An Australian dating expert and matchmaker has revealed the five words single women should supposedly stop saying if they want to pursue a relationship.
In a video shared to Instagram earlier this week, Perth-based Louanne Ward explained why women should avoid the sentence: "I don't need a man."
While "it's true, you don't need a man – you earn your own money, you can support yourself, you've got your own life, you're happy", "every time you say 'I don't need a man', what you're doing is you're putting out there exactly what you're attracting back", she said in the clip.
"You might not need a man, but you actually need all the things a man can give you – the affection, the support, the love, the laughter, the sex, the caring," Ward added.
"You do need him for all the things he can give you. Start being brave enough to say, 'Actually, I do need a man for all of the things that I can't give myself'."
Elaborating on the video further, Ward told news.com.au that if you walk around saying or thinking "I don't need a man", "it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy" – the psychological phenomenon of someone "predicting" or expecting something and it then coming true simply because the person believes or anticipates it will.
"The importance of the message [you tell] to yourself and others is relevant to the outcome," she said. "If you have a need or desire, you try harder, you bring your A-game, you become the best version of yourself.
Ward captioned the post, "Would you say these 5 words if you knew they were keeping you single?" Photo / Instagram @louanneward
"If you tell yourself that you don't need something, not only does it hinder motivation, you place no value on the reward."
The concept of setting out your "needs or desires" when it comes to dating isn't new – the "law of attraction" principle, which claims that thinking positive thoughts will bring about positive experiences, first gained traction in the 19th century.
And in recent years, the idea of "manifesting" a partner has moved to the fore – with Google searches for the term rising by a staggering 669 per cent between March and July 2020 alone.
On TikTok, the "how to manifest a boyfriend" tag has more than 148.6 million views, while "bf manifestation" has more than 17.9 billion.
The idea made headlines earlier this year when Megan Fox revealed to Glamour in an interview that she believes she manifested her relationship with fiance Machine Gun Kelly.
"He's literally my exact physical type that I've been manifesting since I was four. I'm also four years older than him. So, I think I made him," she declared.
"My thoughts and intentions grew him into the person that he is, who knows what he would've looked like or been like if it wasn't for me."
Ward said that "depending on the particular 'love interest'," saying that you don't "need" someone "could be perceived in different ways".
"If you are trying to win the affections of someone, you want to at least feel you have a chance at the reward. The effort made is equivalent to the reward – there is no motivation to obtain the unobtainable," she said.
Megan Fox famously said in an interview earlier this year that she believes she manifested her relationship with Machine Gun Kelly. Photo / Getty Images
"Hearing these words can trigger the fear of failure. Simply put, when we have a win the brain releases feel-good endorphins serotonin and dopamine.
"These feel-good chemicals make us want to engage in a task again, but the experience of failure causes the release of the stress hormone cortisol which triggers the flight or fight response."
Asked how women can reframe that state of mind if they do hold it, "there is a big difference between needing and neediness".
"Being brave enough to be vulnerable and understand the strength behind vulnerability.
"Speaking your truth, saying what you need, and owning it is empowering," she advised.
"I think we are all evolved enough to know survival isn't dependent on love, we can survive and exist without it. But love evokes the feelings of acceptance, being cared for, and belonging. We are also hardwired to care, protect and nurture.
"Love biologically makes us happier, science 101. Where is the shame in admitting the need for more happiness?"
