The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and Prince Andrew will not join Queen Elizabeth on the Buckingham Palace balcony at Trooping the Colour. Video / AP
OPINION:
Who would have thought that it would be the royal family who would give the world some of the most famous additions to our glossary of touchy-feely-isms?
We have various (well, two really) members of the house of Windsor to thank for the introduction of "surviving, not thriving", and "genetic pain" into the popular lexicon.
So, what better way to start the week of the Queen's Platinum Jubilee than with a newbie entrant in this all-too-easy-to-poke-fun-at vocabulary?
I give you, "re-bonding", which is supposedly what Prince William and Prince Harry are up to right now.
According to a report in The Mirror, the brothers who in recent years have become the fraternal equivalent of North and South Korea, have been FaceTiming to try to mend their decidedly tattered relationship ahead of Harry and wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex's return to the UK this week for the Jubilee.
As a source told the Mirror, "They've also had FaceTime calls with their children, which has allowed them to re-bond."
(Look, at least they aren't so desperate they are up to re-birthing ...)
Now it would be nice if we could leave things here – two men, formerly such an intrinsic part of each other's lives – slowly rebuilding trust one video call at a time, but this is the Windsors we are talking about, a clutch of people who have taken familial dysfunction and turned it into an exquisitely painful art form.
Because, whatever tentative peace William and Harry might have been quietly plugging away at à deux, could very well come crashing down at about 5pm next Sunday, London time, per another report that came out over the weekend.
Queen Elizabeth II and her family stand on the balcony of Buckingham Palace after returning from the Trooping the Colour ceremony, marking the Queen's official birthday in 2011. Photo / AP
The reason why lies in a plan that has been cooked up by Buckingham Palace, according to the Mirror, which will see the four days of Jubilee festivities close out with a once-in-a-lifetime moment on (where else?) but the Palace's balcony.
According to the paper's royal editor, Russell Myers, Her Majesty "wants the world to see the heartbeat of her family and the future of the monarchy" (which sounds less like something a 96-year-old might actually say and more like something dreamed up by some overeager communications intern).
To this end, the Queen is reportedly planning to appear on the world's most famous balcony alongside all three of her heirs – Prince Charles, Prince William and Prince George – to close out the People's Pageant, the final event of the Jubilee.
A source told the Mirror: "Her Majesty believes it will send a strong message to the world, that despite the family's trials and tribulations over the past few years, those at the very top are united in getting on with the job, sharing her sense of duty and dedication to serving the people of this country and the Commonwealth."
Politely leaving aside the fact that no other industry in the world besides the throne business would happily make an 8-year-old front up and work, if this regal tableau comes to pass it will immediately make history.
Never before have only the current sovereign and the next three sovereigns all appeared together against the backdrop of Monarchy HQ. (There have been portraits of the foursome, such as the 2016 outing which saw then 2-year-old George adorably standing up on foam blocks, but never on the balcony.)
Now, not only the various princes but their families too will also reportedly be taking part but given how intent the Palace seems to be in laying the symbolism here on with a trowel, it would seem likely that we will get the foursome appearing before the masses, before Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, and the Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis join them.
No matter exactly the composition of the image or the timetable, things I would imagine that are currently being carefully plotted on a whiteboard by sweating former army majors, there is nothing that can mitigate how excruciating this balcony moment could be for Harry.
Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Andrew, Meghan the Duchess of Sussex and Prince Harry stand on a balcony to watch a flypast of Royal Air Force aircraft pass over Buckingham Palace in 2018. Photo / AP
If we see this situation play out as is being mooted today, then the biggest takeaway will be that it will remind the world how irrelevant the Duke of Sussex is to the future of the monarchy.
Never before will the Palace have so acutely spelled out that dynastically, whether the Sussexes are in the royal fold or off selling homemade ylang ylang candles on the US' Home Shopping Network, they don't matter.
By dint of birth, Harry was and always will be a second-string player.
This very issue, of having to be regularly reminded of their royal B-list status, reportedly played a part in the Sussexes' making a beeline for the exits back in January 2020.
The oleaginous biography of the couple Finding Freedom reported that by 2019: "Harry, who wanted to do so much in the world, was growing frustrated that he and Meghan often took a back seat to other family members' initiatives and priorities.
"While they both respected the hierarchy of the institution, it was difficult when they wanted to focus on a particular project and were told that a more senior ranking family member, be it Prince William or Prince Charles, had an initiative or tour being announced at the same time – so they would just have to wait."
Then there was the photo released in the first days of January 2020 of the Queen, Charles, William and George all together, taken in the Buckingham Palace throne room, a perfect reminder that monarchy is wont to do things with the subtlety of a sledgehammer sometimes.
According to veteran royal biographer Andrew Morton, writing in Meghan: A Hollywood Princess, when the Sussexes saw the image, "The royal couple suspected that the entire institution was conspiring against them. As they saw it, the evidence was all around them.
"The unspoken code was straightforward: the future of the monarchy was assured, with or without Meghan and Harry."
It is impossible to see how, given all of this, that Harry having to watch his grandmother, father, brother and nephew soak up the roaring adulation of the expected 10,000-strong People's Pageant crowd, could be anything other than deeply upsetting.
And if he is hurt, well, that's entirely understandable. Diana, Princess of Wales carefully and very consciously raised her sons as equals. Similarly, after leaving the army and taking up full-time royal duties in 2015, it was Harry who wooed crowds, charmed the media and was the royal golden boy.
Imagine how hard it must be to have to watch your brother, no matter your commitment, hard work and dedication, be constantly elevated above you or prioritised over you for no other reason than he arrived first? Galling would not even begin to describe it.
And yet it must also be said that the reason why the royal house is reportedly planning this grand finale makes perfect sense too.
Prince Charles reads the Queen's Speech as he sits next to the Imperial State Crown with Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Prince William during the State Opening of Parliament in May. Photo / AP
The monarchy has only just skated through the last few years of the shocks and aftershocks of Megxit and the horrifying spectacle of Prince Andrew's downfall. While support for the institution might be surprisingly robust, you don't need a crystal ball to see that the future of the throne is far from assured.
The republican issue is bubbling away in most, if not all, of the 15 countries for whom the Queen is the Head of State. The Commonwealth as an organisation looks set to face some sort of reckoning as issues of colonialism and slavery.
It was only in April that William and Kate happily trotted off on their tour of the Caribbean, an outing expected to be a home run, only to come out of the whole thing looking like two pasty anachronisms for whom the social and cultural shifts of the Black Lives Matter movement had passed them by.
Up until that point, the collective wisdom had been that the monarchy was in safe hands with the Cambridges thanks to their popularity, willingness to wheel out their kids regularly and their work on issues which resonate with younger Brits such as climate change and mental health.
But, that calculus was deeply shaken by their Caribbean debacle.
All of this is before we have even touched on the roughly two-decade-long stint of King Charles III that we have to get through in the meantime before we get to the Cambridges' reign.
Given all of this, is it any wonder that the Queen & co seem desperate to make as much hay as possible out of the Jubilee? To get as much monarchical uplift as possible out of the knees-up and to try to enthusiastically promote the image of the monarchy as standing for continuity and consistency in the hurly-burly 21st century?
The shot of the Queen, Charles, William and George, if this happens, will be the image that will run on the front pages of newspapers and websites the world over.
It will serve its purpose but its success could come at the expense of the royal family once and for all "re-bonding" with Harry. How likely will be want to make nice after having been put in his place while the world watches on?
The way things are shaping up, this grand balcony spectacle of the heirs will make history but not necessarily for the right reasons.
• Daniela Elser is a royal expert and a writer with more than 15 years experience working with a number of Australia's leading media titles.
