I mean, what's the point of making plans if things can turn to custard that quickly and suddenly we're all locked at home for weeks on end, trying to just get by each day?
via GIPHY
Yesterday, as I peeled the plastic off my 2021 diary, I decided that, in an act of defiance against Covid and, going against everything 2020 has taught me, I will set some resolutions.
With all the privilege I have - my health, my job, and the health of those around me - 2020 still felt like a hell of a beating. I never expected to be locked away from my family, on the other side of the world, worrying about them every single day, not knowing when I'll get to see them again.
One of the things I struggled with the most through this pandemic was this sense of loss of control.
With lockdowns and restrictions and all the uncertainty that came with the pandemic, around our jobs and our futures and our health, it was hard to feel like there was anything we could control in our lives.
This year has shown that, however much we plan, things can always go wrong. So why plan? Well, because as that great 20th century philosopher George Michael once said, "I've gotta have faith".
via GIPHY
My resolutions will be small. Covid has definitely changed my outlook on the future, both in the long and in the short term. I no longer feel like I can make big plans - maybe one day, but not today.
However, it's also shown me that, when everything feels like it's falling apart, I need to feel like I have things that I can control.
I can't control whether I keep my job in a pandemic or not, I can't control whether anyone in my family catches this damn disease. I can't control when the borders will open again. I can't control how other governments look after their people.
But I can control how much water I drink in a day, I can control whether I exercise or not, or whether I read more books and watch less trash TV. I can choose to do less of some of the things that don't serve me well, and I can choose to do some stuff that makes me happy. And I can choose to fail at all those things anyway, but on my own terms, Covid be damned.
via GIPHY
Will I fail? Yeah, of course. New Year's resolutions are not for completing anyway. They're more dreams than they're goals - dreams that we kind of forget about or postpone for another year once the Christmas sugar rush wears off. Resolutions are there for the illusion of control - and illusion that comes in handy when everything else in on fire and the despair feels overwhelming.
The pandemic has taken a lot from us. But it can't rob me of the hope that, come January 7 or 8, 2021, I will once again fullfil my yearly tradition of having completely and utterly failed at every single one of my resolutions.
So here's to 2021, to very small and achievable goals, and to not having a pandemic as an excuse for failing at things that we are perfectly capable of failing at all by ourselves.
via GIPHY
